California and Northwest

Suit on cell: I touched my toes for the first time in ten years last Tuesday.

Los Angeles, California

Employee: This is going to make me crazy. Why do they keep submitting these requests?
Manager: Seriously, I'm not in the mood today. You are going to get me all riled up.
Employee: I know. I scream every week in my therapy session.
Manager: About this?
Employee: No.

San Francisco, California

Secretary to another: I wish there were a way to tell Word “don't print.” Like CTRL DP. (pause) Maybe that wouldn't be so good.

Berkeley, California

Photo assistant: Eeewwww! I can’t believe you put that in your mouth!

Culver City, California

Overheard by: LaLa Land

President: In the process of moving our data center across the Atlantic, we have eliminated the Director of Operations position. We will not be refilling it.
Ops member: Are we downsizing?
President: Well, we are down one.

Spear Street
San Francisco, California

Coworker #1: He couldn’t get it up?
Coworker #2: No, he couldn’t get hard.
Coworker #1: Wow, I can at least get hard.
Coworker #2: It was his first shoot. They gave him Viagra and energy drinks and the girl sucked and rubbed him for an hour but he couldn’t get hard. Then the director fired him and asked if anyone if could keep it hard for two hours.
Coworker #1: Did you volunteer?
Coworker #2: No, I can stay hard for an hour but not two. But a cameraman did. I felt bad for the girl, she was just 18 and it was her first shoot and the cameraman was like 60.
Coworker #1: Damn. I wish I hadn’t called in sick.

Porn Shoot
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: she was ugly

Worker #1: I think my fish is blind.
Worker #2: Seriously?
Worker #1: Yes, he can’t find his food.
Worker #2: Maybe he’s not hungry…
Worker #3, eavesdropping: Blind fish need homes too…

Anderson Street
Loma Linda, California

Senior director to group of scientists: Well, it’s not like they’re just licking each other’s boobies!

Bay Area, California

Overheard by: marblecargirl

Photographer: Are you saying my cock is funny?

Culver City, California

Overheard by: LaLa Land

Clerk #1: Sorry, I’m a little dyslexic.
Clerk #2: My dog died of dyslexia!

1901 Avenue of the Stars
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Office Droid