Female manager to the ladies in the office: Are you trying to kill me? If you're going to use the lemon spray in the ladies room please spray upwards and not down on the floor. If you're trying to kill me, there are better ways…
Los Angeles, California
RVP: Hey, I thought you were out sick today.
Sales manager: Nope, I was just tired.
RVP: [peeved] Nice.
Sales manager: Hey, you brought me here for my brutal honesty.
8833 W. Sunset Boulevard
West Hollywood, California
Coworker #1: See, this is my new man bag.
Coworker #2: Oh, nice! So manly.
Coworker #3: Man bag? Sounds like scrotum.
270 County Hospital Road
Quincy, California
Retirement aged worker #1: Hi, little buddy.
Retirement aged worker #2: I'm not your little buddy!
Retirement aged worker #1: I know you're not! You're an old goat!
Retirement aged worker #2, thrusting pelvis towards #1: If I'm a goat, then suck it and get some milk!
Naval Base
Point Mugu, California
Overheard by: bubbles
Marketing muckety-muck: …I mean, you can put all the jewels that you want to on that girl, but if she doesn’t have the surgery, it’s not going to do any good.
163 Freelon Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Eve S. Dropper
Co-worker #1: Is that pumpkin cream cheese?
Co-worker #2: I think so.
Co-worker #1: You mean you just blindly put that on your bagel?
Co-worker #2: What else would make it orange?
Co-worker #1: …Um…orange?
Co-worker #2: Yeah, what else is orange but pumpkin?
225 Bush Street
San Francisco, California
Computer nerd: Last night I had to set my monkey on fire.
California State University
Northridge, California
Overheard by: Scott
Customer: Are you open?
Cashier: Uh, excuse me?
Customer: Are you open?
Cashier: Um…yeah.
Customer: Oh, well you’re not supposed to be.
Cashier: What?
Customer: Well, it says you’re not supposed to be open until 10!
Cashier: Um…oh, well pharmacy opens at 10. We’ve been open since 8.
Customer: Okay, well I can come back.
Cashier: Um, okay…but we are open right now.
Customer: Okay, well then all I want is a box of cigarettes.
4405 1st Street
Livermore, California
Overheard by: Stephen
Old lady to young guy cleaning fish tank: I remember when cell phones were the size of a barn.
Doctor's Waiting Room
Burbank, California
IT tech #1: What day is father's day?
IT tech #2: Sunday.
IT tech #1: This Sunday? Shit!
IT tech #2: Yes, this Sunday.
IT tech #1: Wait a minute! Today is Thursday?!
IT tech #2: Yep, today is Thursday.
IT tech #1: Fuck!
IT tech #2: You totally forgot, didn't you?
IT tech #1: No, I have it completely covered, man. Completely. (hangs up, dials again) Honey, what would you like to do for father's day?
Santa Clara, California
