Employee: Do you have the budget?
Executive: Yeah, I just don’t know where Dingle Farts put it, you know, Marcus*.
Employee: You know you’re on speakerphone, right?
Pause
Employee and executive erupt in laughter.
Pause
Executive: He’s right there, isn’t he? He’s always right there, lurking…
6423 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Boss #1: What’s he doing up there? We’re not supposed to park there now.
Receptionist: Subverting the dominant paradigm?
Boss #1: Which means?
Receptionist: Breaking the rules?
Boss #1: Hah! That’s great. Hey [Boss #2]! You’re subverting the dominant paradigm!
Boss #2: You don’t know what subvert means!
Boss #1: I don’t know what the hell paradigm means!
Boss #2: Now as for dominant. . .
Boss #1: Shut up!
3211 Martin Luther King Jr. Way S
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Lowly Peon
Web designer on phone: It says “new as of date.” What does “as of” mean?
1800 Ninth Avenue
Seattle, Washington
Admin: Do you need help with anything?
Engineer: Nobody ever asks that here. What are you up to?
Anchorage, Alaska
Overheard by: Overworked
Coworker #1: Hey, is this your Eagles CD.
Coworker #2: Yeah, that’s mine.
Coworker #3: Bullshit, you don’t even know who the fucking eagles are, douchebag.
Coworker #2: It’s my fucking CD, I’ve had since highschool.
Coworker #3: Yeah right, somebody left that on your desk — there’s no way that’s yours.
Coworker #2: Bullshit, this is mine.
Coworker #3: Alright, if it’s yours name one fucking song by the Eagles, one song!
Coworker #2: Man, I don’t know the names of songs, I just know the music.
Coworker #3: Wow, you’re fucking ridiculous!
Coworker #2: Okay, okay, well they did “Welcome to the Jungle.”
714 4th Street
Corvallis, Oregon
Overheard by: Ryan P
Engineer: It might be dangerous if it ignites, so I think I should heat it up to 600 degrees and see if it catches on fire.
1190 4th Street
Ontario, California
Boss on phone: Wait, wait, wait, does your computer have Google on it? Yeah, just type it in there.
1700 Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Stephanie
Older dude: You know, you shouldn’t bite your nails.
Executive assistant: You shouldn’t be a drunk.
45 West Portal Avenue
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Jerkey
Minion: Do you seriously want to go off on a Chinese hamster ovary tangent? I mean, who gives a crap?
1959 NE Pacific Street
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: snickerpants
Receptionist on phone: He fell into some kind of sink hole, and when they pulled him out he had leeches all over his feet!
Palo Alto, California
