California and Northwest

Retirement aged worker #1: Hi, little buddy.
Retirement aged worker #2: I'm not your little buddy!
Retirement aged worker #1: I know you're not! You're an old goat!
Retirement aged worker #2, thrusting pelvis towards #1: If I'm a goat, then suck it and get some milk!

Naval Base
Point Mugu, California

Overheard by: bubbles

Marketing muckety-muck: …I mean, you can put all the jewels that you want to on that girl, but if she doesn’t have the surgery, it’s not going to do any good.

163 Freelon Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Eve S. Dropper

Co-worker #1: Is that pumpkin cream cheese?
Co-worker #2: I think so.
Co-worker #1: You mean you just blindly put that on your bagel?
Co-worker #2: What else would make it orange?
Co-worker #1: …Um…orange?
Co-worker #2: Yeah, what else is orange but pumpkin?

225 Bush Street
San Francisco, California

Computer nerd: Last night I had to set my monkey on fire.

California State University
Northridge, California

Overheard by: Scott

Customer: Are you open?
Cashier: Uh, excuse me?
Customer: Are you open?
Cashier: Um…yeah.
Customer: Oh, well you’re not supposed to be.
Cashier: What?
Customer: Well, it says you’re not supposed to be open until 10!
Cashier: Um…oh, well pharmacy opens at 10. We’ve been open since 8.
Customer: Okay, well I can come back.
Cashier: Um, okay…but we are open right now.
Customer: Okay, well then all I want is a box of cigarettes.

4405 1st Street
Livermore, California

Overheard by: Stephen

Old lady to young guy cleaning fish tank: I remember when cell phones were the size of a barn.

Doctor's Waiting Room
Burbank, California

IT tech #1: What day is father's day?
IT tech #2: Sunday.
IT tech #1: This Sunday? Shit!
IT tech #2: Yes, this Sunday.
IT tech #1: Wait a minute! Today is Thursday?!
IT tech #2: Yep, today is Thursday.
IT tech #1: Fuck!
IT tech #2: You totally forgot, didn't you?
IT tech #1: No, I have it completely covered, man. Completely. (hangs up, dials again) Honey, what would you like to do for father's day?

Santa Clara, California

Tech support guy on phone: Hi, I was wondering if you had a hair dryer?
…No, I have a meeting in about an hour, and I spilled coffee on my pants, and I don’t want to go this meeting with wet pants.
…I figured since you have such beautiful hair that you probably have a hair dryer.
…Well, thanks anyway, but a curling iron is probably not going to work.

160 Rio Robles
San Jose, California

Overheard by: Mitch Shiver

Peon #1: Where did this ball come from? Is this your ball?
Peon #2: It's not mine. I haven't touched my balls in a long time.

Los Alamitos, California

Overheard by: Jen

Employee: Well, did we decide against boobs?

163 Freelon Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Eve S. Dropper