Boss: So how are you doing? Is everything all squared away?
Peon: If by “squared away”, you mean multiple projects strewn across my desk in varying degrees of completion, then yes.
Boss: OK, good. Let me know if you need anything.
600 Congress Avenue
Austin, Texas
Boss: Could you tell me what your holiday vacation is going to be?
Employee: I will be taking 2 weeks off as I am having a problem with my vagina.
5 minutes later: a group email asking everyone to please email their schedule.
1755 Riverside Drive
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Boss: So I hear you had a record streak of sleeping with 16 straight women on the first date.
Worker: Yes.
Boss: So what did you do to #17 who broke the streak?
Worker: I slapped her.
Boss: Wow.
450 7th Avenue
New York, NY
Big Shot: Well, damn, the printer really is low on toner. I’m not gonna strain my eyes to read this junk. Now I have to reprint the whole document. Guess that’s my reward for trying to take work home over the weekend!
Peon: So, do you want me to recycle the faded pages?
Big Shot: What? No, just toss it.
3301 Fairfax Drive
Arlington, Virginia
Manager: I’m going to be turning in my old laptop for a new one. I want to get another IBM, one of the ultralight ones.
Techie: We’re not leasing IBMs anymore. We’re currently leasing HPs and Dells.
Manager: I don’t like the HPs and I really want an IBM. How can I get one?
Techie: Well…you would need to provide us with a medical reason and a doctor’s note.
10 Almaden Boulevard
San Jose, California
Overheard by: Stealth Nerf
Manager: Will you guys stop talking during my presentation?
Underling: I wasn’t talking, I was asleep…
Abingdon Science Park
Abingdon, Oxfordshire
UK
Peon: But if we didn’t buy it from them, will they provide service?
Boss: It doesn’t matter. This is an integral part of our everyday operation. If we have to buy a service contract, we will. If we give them money, they will service us.
550 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Customer #1: Thanks for your generosity! I know we forced ourselves onto you.
Customer #2: Yes, it’s just that it was so cute, so little, we couldn’t resist!
Bossman: Well, it will be here whenever you want it.
9500 Owensmouth Avenue
Chatsworth, California
Employee: Is that you vibrating?
Supervisor: Yeah, I’m happy to see you.
1801 E. 9th Street
Cleveland, Ohio
Worker: I need to go home, I think I have caffeine poisoning.
Boss: Caffeine poisoning?
Worker: Yeah, I think the coffee made me sick.
Boss: Is it like being on too much speed?
810 Dominican Drive
Nashville, Tennessee
