General manager: Feeling better today?
Waitress, laughing: Oh, yes!
General manager: Why are you laughing?
Waitress: Oh, it’s nothing.
General manager: No, tell me!
Waitress: I can’t!
General manager: Is it girl stuff?
Waitress: No.
General manager: Well, then tell me!
Waitress: Ok. I’m feeling better because I got really fucking stoned last night.
General manager: Dopehead.
Beaumont, Texas
Boss: Does anyone have any questions?
Employee asks involved question.
Boss: You know what? I have a million questions that you cannot answer.
Employee: But you asked if anyone had any questions.
Boss: Yeah, and if I asked if anyone had to go to the bathroom, I wouldn’t expect you to whip it out and take a whiz right here.
Stamford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Spacing Out
Boss: So, I have a problem with giving you the job, even though I know you can do it.
Worker: What’s the issue?
Boss: You seem to be annoyed with us, and you’re not upbeat enough after what happened.
Worker: What happened is that I lived the values, delivered on everything, then the organization totally screwed me over, gave my job to someone else, and left me to languish for a year with no certainty about my future. Now you’re saying you can’t give me another job because you’ve been such dickheads?
Boss: I know it sounds bad.
388 George Street
Sydney, Australia
Boss: Call England and find out what time it is.
Assistant: Call who in England? England is 5 hours ahead of us, so it’s 4:17 there.
Boss: Can you please listen to what I have to say and just call England? I need to be sure.
Assistant, two minutes later: I called England, and it’s 4:19.
Boss: See, it pays to double check. You were 2 minutes off.
1345 Avenue of the Americas
New York, New York
Boss: You may not spend an hour in the bathroom.
3520 Lancaster Avenue
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Boss: Wait, I have a question: they’re fucking retarded!
Underling: That’s actually not a question…
Boss: Whatever, they’re still fucking retards.
13546 Rockland Road
Lake Bluff, Illinois
Overheard by: Victa G
Manager on phone: Yeah, I broke up with him…Yeah, he was okay…Yeah…Yeah…But he just didn’t scale.
Silicon Valley, California
Overheard by: David
Boss: Do you know what the difference between you and me is?
Employee: About 20 IQ points and a sense of style?
1 Lincoln Plaza
New York, New York
Overheard by: tried not to laugh out loud
Office manager: Did you make an anonymous donation to our MS bike team?
Intern: I wish!
51st Street and 5th Avenue
New York, New York
Employee: Someone just called me. They said, “Hello,” and asked if I could help them because they had a question. I didn’t know what to do, so I said, “No,” and hung up. Was that okay?
Boss: I guess that’s one way of handling it.
US Patent and Trademark Office
Alexandria, Virginia
Overheard by: Why Me?
