Boss: Can you put an extra postage on that envelope?
Office manager: Sure, why?
Boss: ‘Cause it gets there faster when you add an extra postage.
Office manager: Ummm… I’m pretty sure that doesn’t make it go faster.
Boss: [Blank stare] Well… Just do it anyway.
Center City
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Senior partner: What are you listening to? That’s some funky music.
Paralegal: Phish.
Senior partner: Oooh, Phish — I’ve heard of them but never heard them. Wow, they have a great sound.
Paralegal: Yeah, I really like them.
Senior partner, with fixed gaze: When you know someone listens to funky music, that can really tell you a lot about a person.
Washington, DC
Secretary: Oh wow, these are good.
Attorney: What are you eating?
Secretary: They are meatless meatballs.
Attorney: So essentially, you’re just eating balls.
1050 Thomas Jefferson Street NW
Washington, DC
Boss: I’m getting nailed to the wall here, guys! C’mon! I’m not Jesus Christ! Help me out!
3211 Jermantown Road
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: Genevieve
Employee: That astronaut chick had to be totally nuts to put on a diaper and drive 13 hours to whack that other woman.
Boss: Well, astronauts do have to wear diapers in space. She probably had some around the house.
Employee: Oh? So it’s part of her culture.
Boss, laughing: When the cops finally caught her, she calmly said, ‘This was a bad idea.’
Employee: The gun or the diapers?
7 West 29th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Fabio
Supervisor: I’m sorry, you guys are going to have to keep this door to the hallway open.
Temp: But it’s so noisy out there.
Supervisor: I’m sorry, but we like to have an open door policy. If you want, you can come talk to me about it privately at any time.
1166 Avenue of the Americas
New York, New York
Overheard by: a different temp
Boss, sitting at peon's desk: This chair is not ergonomically correct.
Peon: You're not ergonomically correct.
Des Moines, Iowa
Boss to underling: Would you please go next door and politely shoot their dog?
Gaithersburg, Maryland
Boss to underling: It's not that Ender's Game is Sci-Fi, it's just set in the future.
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Overheard by: annoyed office mate
Engineer: So, we think we got the problem with the RAM failures locked down.
Boss: You’ve really been engorged this week, haven’t you?
Engineer: What?
6540 Lusk Boulevard
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Im engorged this week…
