Distraught receptionist on phone: Derek, stealing boots was not our decision, it was your decision.
Reston, Virginia
Overheard by: Receptionist #2
Distraught receptionist on phone: Derek, stealing boots was not our decision, it was your decision.
Reston, Virginia
Overheard by: Receptionist #2
Man, to woman he accidentally bumped into in elevator: Sorry, didn't mean to nail you like that!
Lansing, Michigan
Octogenarian lobby help desk guy: I have a joke for you.
Hot 20-something: Is it appropriate?
Octogenarian lobby help desk guy: Yes, of course it is.
Hot 20-something: Alright.
Octogenarian lobby help desk guy: So there were two strippers…
Hot 20-something: (walks away)
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: waiting for the rest of the joke.
Lady in stall: I am on the toilet! I am biting the bullet! I am making a song about poo! What does that say about you?
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Helio
IT guy: Where do I need to put this?
Lady down the hall: If you can't get it in that one, just stick it in the back. It doesn't matter where you stick it. I'm easy.
Memphis, Tennessee
Remote office: DC, have you got it up yet?
DC office: We've got it up, now we're trying to make it bigger.
Washington, DC
Cube rat on phone: I hate those poops that leave you feeling like you spent a night in jail!
Fairbanks, Alaska
Yelling receptionist: The first one I grabbed was completely naked!
Fairbanks, Alaska
Cashier, ringing up books: Okay, ma'am, and would you like to donate a book to a foster child tonight?
Customer: No, it's okay, I'm already doing a foster child.
(cashier stares in shock)
Customer: Oh, wait. I meant to say I'm mentoring a foster child.
Barnes & Noble
Seattle, Washington
Female coworker on phone with manager: Yes, I know it's an impossible request. (pause) I don't know, either he thinks he's freakin' Jesus or he thinks I am. Either way, I'm about to get a cheap, perverse thrill out of crushing his entire belief system.
Chelmsford, Massachusetts
Overheard by: I think I'm Santa
