Washington

Why the President Has a Press Secretary

CSR interrupting production meeting: Hey, sorry, but Dan* from XYZ company wants to know when he can expect his job.
Tech supervisor, screaming: Tell him when hell fucking freezes over! Jesus! I’m fucking tired of these pushy customers! And their shitty little jobs!
CSR: Okay… That’s uh… He’s uh… standing right over there…
Tech supervisor: [Stunned silence.]Boss: Well, you can go take care of that one, buddy… He’s all yours.

1st Avenue South
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Mouth opened, foot inserted

Or Rita, Who Once Spent a Month in Kansas.

Coworker #1, showing cube neighbor a sheet of paper: How would you pronounce this?
Coworker #2: I think it would be “Matsuyuki Suzuki,” but that's just a guess.
Coworker #1: I'll ask Rich*, he's going to Italy soon.

Bellevue, Washington

Overheard by: Guido Honda

Or a Glitch in the Matrix?

Writer muttering to himself: Do I have the hiccups? Do I actually have the hiccups? Is that actually what’s happening to me?

Renton, Washington

About a Quarter Involve Your Dad.

Drone #1: I just don't know what to do with myself!
Drone #2: I have some suggestions, and I promise only about half involve your mom.

Kirkland, Washington

Overheard by: LDAP

If They Ever Get out of the Burn Unit

Guy: Why can’t you just have the party at your place?
Girl: ‘Cuz I lost my damage deposit after that one time when that guy caught himself on fire.
Guy: A guy caught himself on fire and you lost your deposit?
Girl: Well, he dropped and rolled on the carpet. Then someone tried to put out the embers with rum, so the carpet caught fire too.
Guy: ….
Girl: Yeah, no more parties at my place cuz I have stupid friends who totally owe me $500 now.

Eastlake
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Nosey

Plus, the Witch Is Always Trying to Trick Us into the Oven

Employee: First they stuff us with pie, then they expect us to work.

South Rainier
Seattle, Washington

You Seem to Be Missing My Point Deliberately

Senior editor: I know! I could sue the company. I injured my toenail at a company event. What do you think loss of a toenail is worth?
Writer: I don't know. See what they're selling for on eBay.

Renton, Washington

Yeah Well, I Also Said I'd Never Forget My Birth Control.

Worker #1, looking at calendar: Patriot Day? What the hell is Patriot Day?!
Worker #2: Dude, that's September 11th.
Worker #1: Oh, damn.
Worker #3: You said you'd never forget!

Ellensburg, Washington

Last Time I Took One, I Totally Forgot Which Color Socks Go with These Shoes

Female coworker to male coworker: No, I don't want one of your lousy man pills!

Seattle, Washington

And Maybe If I Get a Divorce, I'll Be Twenty Again

Manager to peon: I'm so confused, maybe if I start smoking dope again things will make sense.

Washington

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