Staffer #1: Hey, Gary*, do you have a spoon?
Staffer #2: What kind of spoon?
Staffer #1: Um, one to eat liquids with… What other kinds of spoons are there?
Staffer #2: Well, jeez — there’s fishing spoons, crack spoons, and cuddling positions.
Staffer #1: You’re the only person I know who would ever think of those kinds of spoons over a soup spoon.
Waterfront
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Fork and Knife
Assistant manager: So, you went with the monochromatic look today, huh?
CSR: Nah, man, this is olive.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Steph
Tech guy #1: Jimmy Carter’s son has a MySpace page.
Tech guy #2: Who the hell is Jimmy Carter?
600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC
Crazy coworker, nonchalantly: I knew a guy who killed his girlfriend. Stuffed her in the wall…
Government Office
Washington, DC
Male VP: We'll beat it off for now.
Female general counsel: We'll beat it off for the next five years.
Consultant: That's probably the longest we can beat it off for.
Female general counsel: And then I'll retire.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: If I so much as smile, I'll get fired.
Analyst: Is it past 6:30 yet?
Associate: Yeah, it’s almost 7.
Analyst: Great, I can go back to my cubicle and fart in peace.
1200 F Street NW
Washington, DC
Senior officer: They keep changing the uniforms! I can’t tell who’s in the Navy and who’s parking cars!
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Woman: I wanted to find out the status of the investigation on my stolen bike. It happened three weeks ago, and I haven’t heard back.
Cop: Well, ma’am, we’ve been busy with the orange alert.
Woman: I’m sorry — orange alert?
Cop: Ma’am, we’re in a war.
Woman: A war?!
Cop: The war with Iraq?
Woman: … You mean the fucking Iraqis stole my bike?!
Washington, DC
Coworker #1: So, you’re saying that in the movie he twisted the towel so tight it became a sword?
Coworker #2: Yeah, like, if you spin a towel tight enough it gets rigid, but if you put Kung Fu in it, it’s like a weapon.
Government agency
Washington, DC
Overheard by: kung fu master
Cube dweller #1, complaining about printer repair guy: No one can understand what he’s saying! He’s completely tone deaf!
Cube dweller #2: Well, he’s… deaf. He reads lips.
Cube dweller #1: Oh, yeah.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: this isn’t american idol
