Office grunt: This water is so cold. It’s like liquid ice.
1401 Constitution Avenue NE
Washington, DC
Office grunt: This water is so cold. It’s like liquid ice.
1401 Constitution Avenue NE
Washington, DC
Accounting #1: I’m so excited! My boyfriend gets back today after being gone for five weeks!
Accounting #2: So what you’re telling me is that you’re gonna be late tomorrow because you’re gonna be up all night having sex.
Accounting #1: No, he’s more of a one-hit wonder. We’ll be asleep by 10.
1001 G Street NW
Washington, DC
Lobbyist, accompanying CEO: Clemson football games are wonderful. Saturday afternoon games down there are great.
Staffer: Yes, they were a lot of fun.
Lobbyist, to CEO: Have you ever watched a Clemson game?
CEO, nonchalantly turning to leave: No, they never played Yale.
Washington, DC
Coworker #1: You should use the clap method.
Coworker #2: Me and the clap just don't mix.
Washington, DC
Secretary: I’ve been meaning to ask you a question.
Lawyer: Sure, what’s up?
Secretary: So you’re Indian, right? I’m going to an Indian funeral today. And I’m not sure how to act.
Lawyer: Well…you’re not supposed to laugh.
Secretary: But they’re so Indian that they’re going to have her cremated.
Lawyer: That doesn’t mean you can laugh. Also wear all white.
1425 K Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: callmeahab
Loud office lady: I don’t need to learn no more. You know money, you know dick, you know pussy — you don’t need to know no more.
Government office, 400 Maryland Avenue SW
Washington, DC
Woman on phone: I just don’t want you to end up on that show where the news reporter comes into the kitchen and the guys have their pants off…
K Street
Washington, DC
Woman in suit: I’m doing prostitution now.
441 4th Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: David
Staffer #1: Hey, Gary*, do you have a spoon?
Staffer #2: What kind of spoon?
Staffer #1: Um, one to eat liquids with… What other kinds of spoons are there?
Staffer #2: Well, jeez — there’s fishing spoons, crack spoons, and cuddling positions.
Staffer #1: You’re the only person I know who would ever think of those kinds of spoons over a soup spoon.
Waterfront
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Fork and Knife
Assistant manager: So, you went with the monochromatic look today, huh?
CSR: Nah, man, this is olive.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Steph
