Grad student #1: Do you at least remember going out onto the porch last night?
Grad student #2: Was I naked?
Grad student #1: Yes. Well, you had a blanket to cover your…dignity. But I think you lost your dignity some hours before.
Arlington, Virginia
Employee: “Isolate”? Why’s there an E on the end?
Supervisor: …
Employee: Oh. Just kidding!
Supervisor: Seriously?
Employee: It looked weird.
Supervisor: So when you go to the coffee shop, do you order a “late”?
Employee: No, I order a latt. Two Ts.
500 Dulany Street
Alexandria, Virginia
Female cube rat, reviewing document: This text is pixelated.
Male cube rat: What is that? (reads over her shoulder.) “Senior oral presentation”? (snickers) I don't think I want to know about that.
Female cube rat: Really, Jim? This early in the morning?
Chesapeake, Virginia
Overheard by: Haven't had enough coffee yet
Peon #1: I bought my son a small hamster when he was about seven or eight. We didn't know it at the time, but the hamster was pregnant with a litter of nine. After she had given birth to her pups, we noticed that she started biting their little heads off. My son was very upset because of this, and so was I. I looked it up online and I ended up reading somewhere that hamster moms don't behead their young after their eyes have opened, and we had one hamster left, and its eyes had opened. We figured everything would be fine, but when I came home from work the next day we saw that she killed that one as well. My son was bawling his eyes out that evening.
Peon #2: That's terrible. What ended up happening?
Peon #1: I put her in a coffee canister and took her out to the woods… and I threw her in a snake pit. I'm not sure if she made it out.
Hampton, Virginia
Sales to admin: Size doesn't matter. I've got a video you should watch. It'll teach you step by step how to do it right. It'll be great for both parties. She'll be begging for it.
Herndon, Virginia
Overheard by: Nate
Male paralegal : No one’s gonna use it but me. I’ll hide it.
Female secretary: What?
Male paralegal: But I’ll let you feel it.
8133 Leesburg Pike
Vienna, Virginia
Overheard by: WTF is he talking about
Lady VP: At least it wasn't girl-on-girl.
Male manager: True.
Lady VP: Girl-on-girl is hard.
Fairfax, Virginia
Overheard by: Meaghan
Cashier: Sir, what's your zip code?
Customer: Credit.
Cashier: No, your zip code?
Customer: Oh… credit.
Cashier: Your zip code!
Hampton, Virginia
Overheard by: TY
Guy #1: So, my daughter tells me she wants to get her tongue pierced, and I told her there was no way in hell I would let her fuck up her teeth after all of the money we spent with those braces straightening up her teeth. And after I said that she actually understood where I was coming from.
Guy #2: Yeah?
Guy #1: Yeah. Now she wants to get her nipples pierced.
Government office
Alexandria, Virginia
Overheard by: b-chomp
Tester #1: Don’t mess with me like that. I’m cracked out on Vitamin C.
Tester #2: You know, too much Vitamin C makes you itch. Itch like crazy. Itchy scratchy.
Tester #1: Who told you that?
Tester #2: My grandma.
Tester #1: Didn’t your grandma kill chickens?
Tester #2: That’s beside the point.
1555 Wilson Boulevard
Arlington, Virginia
