Employee #1: Where is my pen? Someone stole it…
Employee #2: What?
Employee #1: My pen is gone.
Employee #2: Check your ass.
Employee #1: There it is, in my hair.
Employee #2: Like I said…
909 Fannin Street
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Helecia Helton
Maintenance guy: How many nervous breakdowns are we allowed to have in a year?
Office Manager: Excuse me?
Maintenance guy: I don’t know if we are supposed to stay within a goal.
5825 Chimney Rock Road
Houston, Texas
Graphic designer: I’m looking for those “In Memoriam” listings. I know they’re buried around here somewhere.
2400 Grove Boulevard
Austin, Texas
Relic: Jerry, is California one hour or two hours behind us now?…What? Isn’t there some time of the year when they are only one?
2828 N. Haskell Ave
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: cherry simon
Co-worker #1: Hey, I’ll promise BJs to his bosses for life if it means he gets the job!
Co-worker #2: I can’t believe that came from sweet, innocent, you!
Co-worker #1: I’m pretty dirty…hey, I do have gay friends!
8000 Bent Branch Drive
Irving, Texas
Boss: Make sure you tickle your calendar to remind you to do the reports.
Co-worker: Tickle?
Boss: Use the tickler system; you do know what a tickler is, don’t you?
Co-worker: Yes, but…you don’t use the one I know at work.
810 Highway 6 South
Houston, Texas
Student: How are you doing?
Staff: Nothing much. What’s going on with you?
Student: Fine, thanks.
108 E. Dean Keeton Street
Austin, Texas
Co-worker: And I am not exaggerating, but my dog literally chewed my brush up into 75 million pieces.
6600 Campus Circle Drive E
Irving, Texas
Woman #1: So I went to Filene’s Basement last night, and I was–literally–raped, I spent so much money, got a bunch of stuff.
Woman #2: Ooh, what did you get?
24 North Street
Pittsfield, Massachusetts
Receptionist: Good morning. How may I direct your call?
Telemarketer: I'm looking for Dick. I mean, I'm looking for a dick. I mean, I'm looking for someone named Dick.
Austin, Texas
Cheese-smelling proletariat: I have a big appetite for a little person. I mean, I can put it away! I am a small person, though I don't look too small lately.
State Agency
Austin, Texas
