Professional woman: I work out at lunch everyday, it’s part of my routine.
Professional man: Wow, you really have some testical fortitude to stick to that routine.
Woman: What?
One Shell Plaza Elevator
Houston, Texas
Professional woman: I work out at lunch everyday, it’s part of my routine.
Professional man: Wow, you really have some testical fortitude to stick to that routine.
Woman: What?
One Shell Plaza Elevator
Houston, Texas
Girl holding can of soup: Well, one can makes soup for more than one person.
Guy staring blankly: Uh-huh.
Girl: So, how many do you want to get?
Guy: I can totally see down your shirt, by the way. Now, what?
Girl: Were you listening to a word I was saying?!
Guy: No, I was staring at your breasts.
Red River H-E-B supermarket
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Natalie
Manager on phone with refrigeration company: That oven that never comes on but is always on? It didn’t come on.
Answering service: Would you please repeat that?
Manager: You know, that oven that never comes on but is always on? Well, it didn’t come on.
Answering service: Thank you, sir. I’ll let the service rep know.
Restaurant, Slide Road and Loop 289
Lubbock, Texas
Cube clown: My mother used to do weird stuff when I was growing up. Like, I still sleep with my foot outside the covers, and she used to crawl in on her hands and knees and grab my foot.
Dallas, Texas
Co-worker #1: Those jokes you emailed were really funny.
Co-worker #2: Yeah they were. Which one was your favorite?
Co-worker #1: Number twelve.
Co-worker #2: Which one was that one?
Co-worker #1: Um, the one right after number eleven, dork.
910 Lousiana Street
Houston, Texas
Overpaid receptionist: I am so freakin’ tired. I’ve been actually having sex since four o’clock Saturday ’til six o’clock this morning.
Coworker: Ummm, that’s nice.
Overpaid receptionist: I’m so sore. I am walking like Sally*. It looks like she was fucked all weekend, but all she did was pull weeds.
North O’Connor Boulevard
Las Colinas, Texas
Overheard by: So that’s what ‘being rode hard and put away wet’ looks like
Co-worker #1: Not only am I supposed to be meeting this hot guy at the bar tonight, but we’re celebrating [Darren] passing his bar exam! It’s going to be wild.
Co-worker #2: Well, if you’re smiling tomorrow morning we’ll know how it all went.
Co-worker #1: Hell, if the night goes as expected, I won’t even be walking straight tomorrow morning.
1218 Webster Avenue
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Office Slave
Pharm tech, counting out RX: These pills smell like pills. (pharmacist sighs)
San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: PharmD
Border patrol agent: I tried to tell the guy his brother was dead. Metamorphosis had already set in.
3423 Interstate Highway 35
Cotulla, Texas
Manager: We need to be less stupider on how we do…things…We need to work on our synergy, ensure we’re interlocking with our process improvements…You need to have a sense of urgency, a relaxed urgency where you don’t hurry anyone else but you.
1 Dell Way
Round Rock, Texas
Overheard by: Anonymous Tech
