Overpaid receptionist: I am so freakin’ tired. I’ve been actually having sex since four o’clock Saturday ’til six o’clock this morning.
Coworker: Ummm, that’s nice.
Overpaid receptionist: I’m so sore. I am walking like Sally*. It looks like she was fucked all weekend, but all she did was pull weeds.
North O’Connor Boulevard
Las Colinas, Texas
Overheard by: So that’s what ‘being rode hard and put away wet’ looks like
Co-worker #1: Not only am I supposed to be meeting this hot guy at the bar tonight, but we’re celebrating [Darren] passing his bar exam! It’s going to be wild.
Co-worker #2: Well, if you’re smiling tomorrow morning we’ll know how it all went.
Co-worker #1: Hell, if the night goes as expected, I won’t even be walking straight tomorrow morning.
1218 Webster Avenue
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Office Slave
Pharm tech, counting out RX: These pills smell like pills. (pharmacist sighs)
San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: PharmD
Border patrol agent: I tried to tell the guy his brother was dead. Metamorphosis had already set in.
3423 Interstate Highway 35
Cotulla, Texas
Manager: We need to be less stupider on how we do…things…We need to work on our synergy, ensure we’re interlocking with our process improvements…You need to have a sense of urgency, a relaxed urgency where you don’t hurry anyone else but you.
1 Dell Way
Round Rock, Texas
Overheard by: Anonymous Tech
Vietnamese coworker using cardboard to fix cubicle, happily: It's like being in refugee camp all over again.
Austin, Texas
Cube dweller: I know he was yelling at me, but he was wearing the same members-only jacket as Rosario from Will and Grace!
523 North Sam Houston Parkway East
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: bemused
Assistant: I don’t know if you want to give him a call or not.
Boss #1: What happened?
Assistant: He mouthed off to a cop.
Boss #1: Sounds like Eric*.
Boss #2: Eric didn’t mouth off to a cop.
Boss #1: I thought he did.
Boss #2: No, he ran over a cop. There’s a big difference between running a cop over and mouthing off to one.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: can’t make it up
Seaman, next to air force guys: I love Dick's! (pause) The restaurant, that is.
Airman: We always knew there was something about you seamen.
San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: I like them too.
