Technology

CTO: My interview article is in USA Today!
Programer: Can you send me the link? Never mind, I’ll just Google “USA Today”.

600 Newport Center Drive
Newport Beach, California

Temp: I have a few questions about the PowerPoint project that I’m trying to get my head around.
Manager: Okay.
Temp: So what do you want again?
Manager: I just want a template…Something visual that we can use over and over.
Temp: What do you want in it?
Manager: I don’t know. That’s why I want a template. So I need you to create something that looks like the department standard, with our logo and so on, the right corporate background color, with dummy copy as placeholders.
Temp: So where do I find the words you want in it?
Manager: They don’t exist yet. We’re working on that. That’s why it’s a template and not a final project.
Temp: So what do you want in all the boxes?
Manager: Nothing. Just a place so I can go in and write it. I just want a formatted background and text boxes in place.
Temp: Right, but what should I put in the text boxes?
Manager: Whatever you want.
Temp: So let me get this right: You want me to create a PowerPoint with place for different words.
Manager: Yes.
Temp: But you don’t know what the words are?
Manager: That’s why it’s a template.
Temp: I see. So I will just use one of the PowerPoint templates.
Manager: No. It needs to be in the style of the company. Those are too generic.
Temp: I’m confused.
Manager: It seems so.
Temp: Can I just do it in Word?

111 East 59th Street
New York, NY

CSR: Did you look at the fax machine?
Tech: Yes, it’s gorgeous!

203 Floral Vale Boulevard
Yardley, Pennsylvania

IT: My vibrator doesn’t work; I think it’s worn out…On my phone! On my phone! The vibrate function on my phone doesn’t work! Oh, god.

140 Research Boulevard
Madison, Alabama

Overheard by: map ref 41n 93w

Cube #1: Did you know you can type “deferred” with one hand?
Cube #2: Couldn’t you type any word with one hand?
Cube #1: Yeah…but you can type it with one hand.
Cube #2: Yeah…couldn’t you type any word with one hand?
Cube #1: No…I mean, it means you can type it with one hand; the letters are all within one inch of each other. D-e-f-e-r-r-e-d.
Cube #2: Oh!…I definitely spelled that wrong.

One Easton Oval
Columbus, Ohio

Editor: We don’t have time to review the files. Have the vendors send their files directly to the printer. At this point, we’re approving crap.

8787 Orion Place
Columbus, Ohio

User: My computer won’t turn on.
Tech: The tower is missing. How do you expect to use a computer someone stole?
User: Well, they left the keyboard, mouse and monitor. Is that something?

498 7th Avenue
New York, NY

Tech: You can’t save with Adobe Reader. You have to have Professional to save what you enter in the form.
Sales Assistant: But I have 6.0.
Tech: Yes, but in Reader. You have to have Professional.
Sales Assistant: So I can’t save?
Tech: Right.
Sales Assistant: But I have 6.0.
Tech: That doesn’t matter. You still can’t save the form.
Sales Assistant: But I have 6.0.
Tech: In Reader. You have to have Professional to save the data you enter in the form. Reader won’t let you save changes to a PDF.
Sales Assistant: Okay. But I have 6.0. Why can’t I save with that?

12100 I-40 East
Amarillo, Texas

Office Worker: This file won’t unzip! Unzip, you! Dammit, unzip!
Supervisor: You should try sweet talking it a little bit. Maybe you should buy it dinner first.

105 North Hudson Avenue
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Temp: This person gave their email address as being at “hotmail.con”. Should I enter it as “hotmail.com”?
Employee: No, put whatever is on the application.

1776 West Lakes Parkway
West Des Moines, Iowa