Four-year-old child, singing: This is the way we roll a joint, roll a joint, roll a joint. This is the way we roll a joint so early in the morning!
Kindergarten
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Natalie
Four-year-old child, singing: This is the way we roll a joint, roll a joint, roll a joint. This is the way we roll a joint so early in the morning!
Kindergarten
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: Natalie
Military personnel: Adam* looks like hell this morning — like he was smoking crack all night. Adam, you are a civilian, right?
Adam: Yes.
Military personnel: Ah, then it’s alright. You don’t get drug-tested like us. Smoke all the crack you want.
Washington, DC
Lady: Uhh, hi, do you sell cigarettes?
Cashier: No, this is a plant nursery.
Lady: Yeah, I know. So you don’t have them?
Cashier: No, ma’am, this is a plant nursery. We sell plants here.
Lady: But cigarettes come from tobacco, and that’s a plant. I figured if anyone would sell them it would be you.
6831 Central Avenue
St. Petersburg, Florida
Suit #1: So what’s the occasion for drinks after work?
Suit #2: It’s Tuesday.
Suit #1: …Isn’t that what a wino says?
645 Cathcart Street
Montreal, Quebec
Canadia
Overheard by: BJ Blazkowitz
Employee to another who just sprayed hand sanitizer: Gah, you just sprayed your thing and it got in my mouth. (continues eating bag of nuts)
Lawton, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Jonathan
Editor #1: Why would they ding you?
Editor #2: They have to ding. Even if there is nothing wrong, they have to ding. It’s psychological.
Editor #1: I need a beer.
8787 Orion Place
Columbus, Ohio
Smoker: Yeah, but the problem is security. I could give her an injection of morphine, but–
401 Gate Tree Lane
Austin, Texas
Peon: I’ve seen her before at bars, but now she’s just different… She’s more cold now.
Intern: It’s just sobriety. It changes people.
Peon: Good point. Wait, aren’t you, like, 19?
Intern, offended: I’m 20.
F Street
Washington, DC
Frazzled boss: Today has been just awful.
Concerned coworker: I know, hun. (in a hushed tone) Do you want a Xanax?
Frazzled boss: Oh, god, no…thank you…I have my own supply. (in hushed tone) And I've already had several.
New York City, New York
Technician: Man, I gotta go grab a smoke. I’ve been upstairs mixing chemo for hours!
427 Victor Street
Lincolnton, North Carolina
Overheard by: Suzette Truesdell
