Boy: I don’t like Oprah. She’s kind of racist.
Girl: Oprah can’t be racist! She’s black!
Boy: Were your parents related?
Girl: What’s that got to do with anything?
710 West San Augustine, Deer Park High School
Deer Park, Texas
Overheard by: Ian Jacoby
Adviser: Okay, is everyone here? Great. So, John*, why don't you tell us what you've worked on this week?
John: Well, I did…
Adviser, interrupting: Actually, John, I'm just going to hummer you for a minute while I show them the data.
Female grad student: Um, what?
Adviser: I'm going to hummer him and just show everyone this, you know, like run over him like a big fucking car.
Female grad student: Uh, okay, but you can't say that.
Adviser: What? Why?
Female grad student: I'll tell you after lab meeting.
Adviser, angrily: What is so bad about saying that? Is it like mean or something to “hummer” someone?
Female grad student: Well it's not mean, it's just… Yeah, don't say that. Ever. We'll talk later.
Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
Student: Crap, I don’t know how to start.
Teacher: I can’t help you.
Student: Why not?
Teacher: If I knew this kind of crap do you think I’d be working at this ghetto school?
1133 Mission
Oceanside, California
Housing: You need to sign this form that talks about the potential risks of lead paint.
Student: Lead paint? Could that be dangerous?
Housing: No.
Student: Really?
Housing: Well, I wouldn’t lick the walls.
400 West 119th Street
New York, NY
Overheard by: djlindee
Student teaching CPR: They're unconscious. They won't know what's going on, so it's all good.
Leesburg, Virginia
Student, while messing with professor's computer: How do you get your thing up?
Professor: What?
Mercer County Community College
West Windsor, New Jersey
Student: This place is nice.
Employee: Yeah, it’s really peaceful until the homeless guys look at porn on the Internet and they have to call the cops.
Student: Does that happen a lot?
Employee: Yeah. What else do they have to do?
Law Library, University of Washington
Seattle, Washington
Girl: Yeah, I’m trying to apply for chemical engineering, but when I go to fill out the online application, it says that it’s closed, but then it says that the deadline isn’t until March 1st!
Student worker: It’s April…
Clueless co-ed: But..oh…wait…January…February…March…Oh! Oh, so, like, March is before April?
1 University Station
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: m.kyti
Girl: I think grad school is slowly sucking away my soul.
Guy: Oh, come on. Like you ever had a soul?
Girl: At least we could probably make a book out of this.
Guy: Indeed. Chicken Soup for the Soulless?
1745 Broadway
New York, NY
Trainer: What does the prefix “ante” mean?
Student: Against
Trainer: No, this is spelled a-n-t-e. It means before.
Student: Yeah, like antefreeze0
Trainer: Huh?
Student: You know, you have to put it in the car before it freezes.
120 Broadway
New York, NY
