Clerk #1: My bladder hurts.
Clerk #2: What for?
Clerk #1: I was holding it all morning, and then I finally went, and now it’s been hurting.
Clerk #2: You probably shouldn’t do that. Your bladder can explode, you know.
49275 Electron Drive
San Diego, California
Receptionist: Hey everyone, tomorrow the building management is changing the bathrooms codes to 6-1-5.
Co-worker #1: But…we don’t have a 6.
Co-worker #2: Yeah, the buttons only go up to 5.
Co-worker #1: Is the building management trying to tell us we’re not allowed to pee any more?
2425 West Loop South
Houston, Texas
Worker #1: That’s a great way to start the day. Talkin’ about dog farts and placentas.
Worker #2: Breakfast, anyone?
5885 11th Street
Rockford, Illinois
Co-worker: I found three turds this morning. Do we have someone who comes and takes care of that?
2320 West Highway 76
Branson, Missouri
Worker: Someone left puke in the toilet. I swear, bulimia should be illegal.
1000 SW Broadway
Portland, Oregon
Co-worker #1: Why do they only lock the girls’ bathroom and not the guys’?
Co-worker #2: So you don’t come in and rape us.
Co-worker #1: Yeah, that’s true.
475 Park Avenue South
New York, NY
Musician: Nice of you to join us.
Exec: Well, you were 30 minutes late; I went to take a shit!
Musician: You’re entitled to that.
Exec: I washed my hand if you want to shake it.
875 6th Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: N & S
Employee: Why is the bathroom locked and has a sign saying “Out of Order”? What happened?
Manager: I think something’s wrong with it.
Employee: Is anyone in there, I thought I heard someone?
Manager: You never know–but bathrooms are private so you shouldn’t knock.
623 3rd Avenue
New York, NY
Co-worker #1: Oh my god, he’s peeing under my desk.
Co-worker #2: Oh! Sorry.
Co-worker #1: Where’s the tissue? Paper towels or something? He’s leaking, take him outside. I’m serious.
Co-worker #2: Don’t freak out!
Co-worker #1: I’m not mad, I’m just grossed out.
12345 World Trade Drive
San Diego, California
Programmer returning from extended bathroom break: You know, I don’t want to include too much information, but my pants fit much better now.
1900 Richmond Road
Cleveland, Ohio
Overheard by: The Surly Programmer
