Possible Sexual Harassment

3PM Expense Report

Employee: I’ve never traveled for work before. Is there a per diem, or…?
Boss: Well, there’s an allowance of ten dollars a day for breakfast, fifteen dollars a day for lunch, and twenty-five dollars a day for dinner. So, fifty dollars a day. But save all your receipts, you have to turn all of them in to get credit for what you spend.
Employee: So if I ate a banana for breakfast and a banana for lunch…could I go to a Braves game at night?
Boss: [squinting] Uh…
Employee: Okay, how about this: a banana for breakfast, a banana for lunch, and prostitutes in the hotel room?
Boss: You know, why don’t you go to a Braves game?
Employee: That sounds great, thank you!

12920 SE 38th Street
Bellevue, Washington

3PM Spellcheck

Boss: When you tie something around your mouth so that you can’t make sound, what’s that called?
Trainee: What?
Boss: Like if somebody is tied up and you put a rag in their mouth, what’s that called?
Trainee: A gag?
Boss: How is that spelled?
Trainee: Uhhh…G-A-G.
Boss: How about gagged? Like, somebody is bound and gagged.
Trainee: G-A-G-G-E-D…what the hell?
Boss: It’s all part of your training.

550 Eagles Landing Parkway
Stockbridge, Georgia

1PM Affirmative Action

Female employee #1: They’re interviewing that guy for the new position.
Female employee #2: No, they can’t. We need to hire another woman.
Female employee #1: No way. [whispering] Women are bitches.

1001 North 19th Street
Arlington, Virginia

12PM Lunch

Waitress #1: The chicken is layered with proscuitto, sage, and pecorino cheese…
Customer snickers.
Waitress #1: What’s so funny?
Customer: It’s just… the cheese! [snickers again] Waitress #1 to waitress #2: What is funny about pecorino cheese?
Waitress # 2: You said “pecker.”

Victorian Square
Sparks, Nevada

Overheard by: waitress # 1

9AM Back to Work

Car dealership counter guy: Yes, may I help you, sir?
Customer: Uh, yeah, I think I blew a seal.
Car dealership counter guy: Pal, that sounds like a personal problem to me.

1499 Route 46
Ledgewood, New Jersey

3PM Call Center

CSR: So then he goes, “This is Motorola, right? Because with that voice of yours, for a second there, I thought I called the wrong number” oh, but it didn’t stop there…he keeps on with “you know, like, a 900 number, right?” I mean, eww…I did not need to know that.

1301 East Algonquin
Schaumburg, Illinois

3PM Snack Run

Male supervisor: Give Janet* one of those chocolate pretzel things. Because she’s going on vacation and doesn’t have to fit into a bathing suit this weekend.
Janet*, aside: I swear, random people have been coming up to me all day asking about my supposed nude beach trip to Jamaica.
Male supervisor: Let it all hang out, baby.

473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey

Overheard by: office peon

10AM Cappucino Run

Executive #1: We will never promote her. She is fucked up. Did you see her at the company picnic with her son?
Executive #2: No. What happened?
Executive #1: She was breastfeeding him!
Executive #2: So what?
Executive #1: He’s like 5 years old!
Pause
Executive #2: When is the next picnic?

1 Becton Drive
Franklin Lakes, New Jersey

2PM Paging Customer Service

Woman on speaker system: I have a guy by the balls in the toy department that could use some assistance.

23561 Highway 59
Porter, Texas

2PM Sensitivity Training

Partner: I’m gonna call her and see if I can feel her up.

1001 G Street NW
Washington, DC

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