But Will It Affect My Tan?

Customer squinting at ‘No cell phones’ sign: Why do we have to turn off our cell phones? What happens if you use them in the tanning bed?
Tanning consultant: You’ll die.

222 Plaza, 5th Street Highway
Pennsylvania

Posted on May 30, 2015
Dumb Customers, Pennsylvania, Threats

Or Did He Already Come?

Secretary #1: Did Jack come to work today?
Secretary #2: I don't know, I think he called in sick.
Secretary #1, on phone with front desk: Hey, is Jack off today?

Indiana, Pennsylvania

Posted on May 29, 2015
Admins, Health & Hygiene, Pennsylvania, Questions, Sexuality

What Would He Do with It?

Coworker #1: He has a penis, you know…
Coworker #2: Who?
Coworker #1: Jesus.

Mountville, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Where did that come from?

Posted on May 28, 2015
Body Parts, Coworkers, Pennsylvania, Religion, Weirdness

Conversation's About the Journey, Not the Destination

Office mate (confused after not getting the whole story): You paraphrase like a boy. We're girls, we want to hear the truth.

Lancaster, Pennsylvania

Posted on May 22, 2015
Compare and contrast, Employees, Lies, Pennsylvania

The Best Parties Result in Both Workers’ Comp and EEO Cases

Lady peon #1: Are you going to participate in Lou’s retirement party?
Lady peon #2: Yes — I’m going to jump out of the cake.

Harrisburg, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: The Quotable Cubicle

Posted on May 21, 2015
Comebacks, Coworkers, Default, Pennsylvania, Questions

Meet the Poster Boy for Conservative America

Man on phone: Now, is this something that if I open it at home, it'll explode? Oh, right, in case a group of nuns is taking a tour. Well, thank you uncle Eugene! I hope you shoot something this weekend!

Scranton, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Who exactly is this Uncle Eugene?

Posted on May 20, 2015
Death, Family, On the phone, Pennsylvania, Questions, Violence, Weirdness

Tales from the Car Dealership

Manager: Tell him we can sell it to him for 15,500.
Sales Rep: But we own it for, like, 21,600!
Manager: I know! But he ain’t gonna buy it anyway!
Sales Rep: But what if he says “I’ll take it!”? Then what?
Manager: Then you’re fucked!
Sales Rep: Why am I fucked?
Manager: Cause you’re the one telling him it’s 15-fucking-5!

3243 Paxton Street
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Doug Pintarch