Girl on cell: Did I show my tits? Well, I know what that means. If a guy dreams about a girl he knows and she’s naked, then it doesn’t mean that he, you know, likes her or wants to fuck her. It means that he cherishes her. Yeah, really. [Long pause.] Well, I don’t know what that means. That’s the weirdest dream I ever heard.
University of Colorado
Boulder, Colorado
Overheard by: Amused Psych Prof
Attorney on phone: What does it smell like?
Tysons Corner, Virginia
Cubicle drone on phone: So not only is it wild, but it's attached itself to you?
Plains, Pennsylvania
Peon, answering phone: Hello, XYZ* architects.
Caller: I'm from universal healthcare, is Mr. Smith* in?
Peon: No. I'm sorry, but he's retired.
Caller: Okay, but is he in?
Peon: No, he's retired.
Caller: Right, you said that, but is he in?
Peon: Do you not know what “retired” means?
Caller: I guess not.
Ybor City, Florida
Black suit on cell: Lemme get this straight — she filed a restraining order against you and you’re still calling her and sending her flowers? That ain’t love, man. That’s… insanity.
Montgomery, Alabama
Overheard by: Kim
Coworker, on cell: I'm sorry, she's passed away. (pause) She's passed away. (pause) She's dead.
Baltimore, Maryland
Guy introducing guest speaker at conference: Just a reminder: if you have a vibrator or cell phone, please turn it off now.
Richmond, Indiana
Secretary on phone: I hate fake tans too…not cans…tans. No, tans. T as in taco, A as in anus, N as in next, and S as in swords. I hate fake cans, too.
3818 Maccorkle Avenue SE
Charleston, West Virginia
Overheard by: brittany
Cubicle-dweller, on phone: I think they might be swingers.
Piscataway, New Jersey
Overheard by: Tom
Sales guy on phone: Yeah, we need to quantitate that. Mmm-hmmm. Well, I can’t make ends meet of this spreadsheet.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
