Nurse: I think I have worked at every hospital around here. If I ever get anything stuck up my ass, I’m going to have to drive, like, 4 hours to find a hospital where nobody knows me.
100 East Carroll Street
Salisbury, Maryland
Nurse: I think I have worked at every hospital around here. If I ever get anything stuck up my ass, I’m going to have to drive, like, 4 hours to find a hospital where nobody knows me.
100 East Carroll Street
Salisbury, Maryland
Nurse #1: Do you want me to go through your legs?
Nurse #2: I can’t believe you don’t want to go through my legs to find the lower hole.
Nurse #1: Well, pull out the first one so I can see!
Nurse #2: Is it in?
Nurse #1: I don’t know, I can’t feel anything!
Nurse #2: I’m gonna pee my pants! I can’t believe there’s no one here to see this!
2990 Mack Road
Fairfield, Ohio
Overheard by: Kimmie
Nursing home resident, about stuffed cow: Pepper had a baby!
Staff: What's his name?
Resident: Pepper pea!
Staff: How's the baby doing?
Resident: He's peeing everywhere!
Staff: I thought Pepper was a boy.
Resident: He is.
Staff: Then how did Pepper have a baby?
Resident: That's what I'd like to know!
Greenwood, South Carolina
Overheard by: Dana
Registered nurse: Damn, all my patients have peed! And they're all dialysis patients!
Tech: Damn their kidneys for working!
Hospital
Bowling Green, Kentucky
Female coworker to another: It was swollen and red and warm to the touch, I totally knew it was infected.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Overheard by: O_o
Patient: Are there are any restrictions to take after having my injections?
Nurse: Do not eat beef.
Patient: What about eggs?
Nurse: Eggs are okay.
Patient: But eggs are from cows…
Beverly Hills, California
Social worker to intake nurse: The patient has a history of mental retardation.
Intake nurse: Has he always been retarded?
(long pause)
Social worker: I'm pretty sure it's not a result of his hospitalization!
Minnesota
Doctor to nurse: Obviously his continuing to smoke has made his lung cancer worse… But the smoking is doing wonders for his schizophrenia!
Corning, New York
Doctor: I'm thinking about going up to Austin this weekend.
Nurse #1: What's in Houston?
Doctor: Austin.
Nurse #2: What about Houston?
Doctor: Austin!
Smart-ass tech: Boston?
Lackland Air Force Base, Texas
Overheard by: Geographically Declined
