Nurse: I graduated with marijuana honors. I had one rolled under my cap and gown.
Edison, New Jersey
Nurse: I graduated with marijuana honors. I had one rolled under my cap and gown.
Edison, New Jersey
Rep: What’s a vaginal dilator?
Nurse: A penis?
4645 East Cotton Center Boulevard
Phoenix, Arizona
Director of nursing: I mean, you gotta be able to recognize the signs and be able to say, ‘That’s not a fear of dying, that’s constipation!’
Hospice
Denver, Colorado
Nurse aide #1: I was up all day watching the old Batman marathon today.
Nurse aide #2: The one with Adam West, right?
Nurse aide #1: Yep, the original.
Bed alarm sounds in the back hall.
Nurse aide #2: Holy Alzheimer’s, Batman!
1111 Crater Lake
Medford, Oregon
Nurse: You’re not a weird old lady. Stop it.
Ivyland, Pennsylvania
Nurse: Are you currently on any birth control pill?
Patient: No.
Nurse: Are you currently using any other form of birth control?
Patient: No.
Nurse: Are you satisfied with your current birth control?
Patient: Umm? Yes?
Mason, Ohio
Overheard by: Always Satisfied
Nurse: Why can’t we just put the hair on the pancreas?
Medical office
Jacksonville, Florida
Overheard by: So Glad I Work Here
Nurse #1: We’re short today, and so everyone is supposed to get one extra patient.
Nurse #2: I hate patients.
8260 Atlee Road
Mechanicsville, Virginia
Director of nursing: Getting it once a week is better than not getting it at all, which is what I was getting.
Maintenance guy: What?
Director of nursing: I need my office vacuumed more often!
Greenwood, South Carolina
Overheard by: Dana
Patient: I’m going to see The Lion King tonight.
Nurse #1: Can you imagine doing shows like that every night, traveling all the time?
Nurse #2: Most of them are gay anyhow, so it’s no big deal.
Red Cross van
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Taxman
