Nurse: Are you currently on any birth control pill?
Patient: No.
Nurse: Are you currently using any other form of birth control?
Patient: No.
Nurse: Are you satisfied with your current birth control?
Patient: Umm? Yes?
Mason, Ohio
Overheard by: Always Satisfied
Nurse: Why can’t we just put the hair on the pancreas?
Medical office
Jacksonville, Florida
Overheard by: So Glad I Work Here
Nurse #1: We’re short today, and so everyone is supposed to get one extra patient.
Nurse #2: I hate patients.
8260 Atlee Road
Mechanicsville, Virginia
Director of nursing: Getting it once a week is better than not getting it at all, which is what I was getting.
Maintenance guy: What?
Director of nursing: I need my office vacuumed more often!
Greenwood, South Carolina
Overheard by: Dana
Patient: I’m going to see The Lion King tonight.
Nurse #1: Can you imagine doing shows like that every night, traveling all the time?
Nurse #2: Most of them are gay anyhow, so it’s no big deal.
Red Cross van
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Taxman
Nurse: I think I have worked at every hospital around here. If I ever get anything stuck up my ass, I’m going to have to drive, like, 4 hours to find a hospital where nobody knows me.
100 East Carroll Street
Salisbury, Maryland
Nurse #1: Do you want me to go through your legs?
Nurse #2: I can’t believe you don’t want to go through my legs to find the lower hole.
Nurse #1: Well, pull out the first one so I can see!
Nurse #2: Is it in?
Nurse #1: I don’t know, I can’t feel anything!
Nurse #2: I’m gonna pee my pants! I can’t believe there’s no one here to see this!
2990 Mack Road
Fairfield, Ohio
Overheard by: Kimmie
Nursing home resident, about stuffed cow: Pepper had a baby!
Staff: What's his name?
Resident: Pepper pea!
Staff: How's the baby doing?
Resident: He's peeing everywhere!
Staff: I thought Pepper was a boy.
Resident: He is.
Staff: Then how did Pepper have a baby?
Resident: That's what I'd like to know!
Greenwood, South Carolina
Overheard by: Dana
Registered nurse: Damn, all my patients have peed! And they're all dialysis patients!
Tech: Damn their kidneys for working!
Hospital
Bowling Green, Kentucky
