Manager: Everybody hide and don’t make any noise.
Employee: Um, we’re in a cube. Exactly where do you want us to go?
Manager: Under the tables and behind the privacy screens. Now everyone shut up.
Employee: Considering John sits right next to this cube and these dividers aren’t soundproof, this smoke and mirrors trick really is a failure.
7 Times Square
New York, NY
Office grunt: I never realized how hard metal was.
2201 Main Street
Williamsville, New York
Lawyer on phone with client: Where would you like to get sued first?
Huntington, New York
Overheard by: Lady Lawyer
Beastly employee: That reminds me of when I was skinny. I was smoking. With my thigh-high boots.
Pretty employee: Mmmm… cool.
Beastly employee: I won’t ever wear them again. I am too fat. I will bring them in for you.
Pretty employee, unhappily: Ummmm… ok.
Passerby employee to pretty employee, sympathetically: The boots went up to her camel toe… I’m sorry.
Hawthorne, New York
Overheard by: I have my own office
Exasperated boss, on phone with son: Oh, let's just leave Jesus out of this, okay?
Huntington, New York
Overheard by: Lady Lawyer
White grunt #1: I’m going to the deli. You guys want anything?
Black grunt: I’ll wait till lunch.
White grunt #2: Can you spot me a cup of coffee? This time with cream and sugar?
White grunt #1: I thought you were a black man.
White grunt #2: I am a black man.
Black grunt: Shit.
New York, New York
Female coworker #1: I just tried to call him, but he didn't pick up! God, he never picks up.
Female coworker #2: But you've been going through his e-mail, right?
Female coworker #1: Yes! Like every day!
Manhattan, New York
Female peon: Did you cock-block me last night?
Supervisor: No, I don’t think so.
Male peon #1: Wait — is there a female equivalent to the cock-block?
Male peon #2, after long pause: Vag glue?
East 57th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Chris J.
Bubbly 20-something girl on cell in bathroom: I mean, I don't know. Can you even text a guy over 35 after 11?
Manhattan, New York
Mechanic: You smell like sex.
Female coworker: You mean I smell like you want to have sex with me? Or I smell like I just had sex? ‘Cause… ‘Cause there’s a big difference.
Mechanic: Oh, the first one. You smell like I want to have sex with you.
Female coworker: Oh. I want to have sex with you, too.
Mechanic: [Silence.]Female coworker: … I mean, you smell. [Walks away with confused look on her face.]
Westchester, New York
Overheard by: He did kind of smell … like sex.
