Coworker: Women are very Gestalt, you have to take the whole thing. If you start taking just the parts, you're going to end up on the evening news.
Branchburg, New Jersey
Coworker: Women are very Gestalt, you have to take the whole thing. If you start taking just the parts, you're going to end up on the evening news.
Branchburg, New Jersey
Coworker: They say Micheal Phelps is a good swimmer, but I say screw that, we're all great swimmers! Do you know how far that was to swim? And then you get there and you have to bust through a zygote head first! That takes stamina!
Branchburg, New Jersey
Man to friend: Hey, come over here… does this count as child porn?
Morristown, New Jersey
Overheard by: the FBI outside suggests yes…
Dave, standing with four females and some candy gift baskets: Hey, Tom.
Tom: Hey, Dave, you should dig in to those treats over there… And no, I don't mean the ladies!
Jersey City, New Jersey
Woman to coworker: Did I tell you? My New Year's resolution is to always remember to wash my hands before I leave the bathroom.
Princeton, New Jersey
Crotchety supervisor, holding up printed copy of e-mail: You two are computer nerds. What does this mean? (points at an emoticon)
Analyst #1: It's a smiley face.
Crotchety supervisor, turning the paper sideways: Oh, I see the colon is the eyes and…what the hell is wrong with you people? (crumples up e-mail and walks away)
Analyst #2: Have a nice day!
Oakland, New Jersey
Overheard by: >:(
Coworker #1: What are you talking about?
Coworker #2: I'm telling them how my parents almost aborted me.
Coworker #3, walking in: What are you guys talking about?
Coworker #2: It's a survival story!
Branchburg, New Jersey
Female no-nonsense suit: No kidding, Henry. I was just about to sleep with that Indian guy, and the Dow is down 400!
Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey
TSA agent at security checkpoint: Ladies and gentlemen, please remove all liquids and gels from your bag! Take off your shoes! And pay attention to that jewelry! That's right, if you have too much bling, you will ring! Let's speed this up here, people!
Airport
Newark, New Jersey
Overheard by: PetRunner
Salesperson: I find it mildly insulting that, like, the entire state of Florida does not call me back.
New Providence, New Jersey
