Reader Poll: Who's Your Office Sociopath?

Sketchy guy in lunchroom, sitting down at table with lone coworker: I'll sit here with you. Y'know, I'm probably the only guy in the building who likes you.

Burlington, Vermont

Posted on April 5, 2011
Coworkers, Feelings, Meals and Snacks, Vermont, Weirdness

Then I Ejaculated Into a Snowdrift

CSR, about cleaning off his snow-covered car: I took care of myself at lunch.

Bedford, Massachusetts

Posted on March 30, 2011
Health & Hygiene, Massachusetts, Meals and Snacks, Sales, Weather

…So Do I Have the Principal Job or What?

Vice principal at Catholic high school: I'm really into sausage.

Aurora, Illinois

Posted on March 24, 2011
Illinois, Meals and Snacks, Possible Sexual Harassment, Teachers, Weirdness, Words

…I Won't Make That Mistake Again.

Coworker #1: So I have this recipe for microwaveable fried rice. You might like it. I'll bring it in tomorrow.
Coworker #2: Did you just tell me, an Asian, to make microwave fried rice?! Not to mention if it's microwaved, then it's not fried rice. It's microwave rice.
Coworker #1: Well you gave me that chicken recipe the other day, and this recipe looks good so I thought I'd share it.
Coworker #2: Yeah? Well, liquid poop looks good too because it reminds me of chocolate, but you don't see me eating it.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Posted on March 23, 2011
Coworkers, Meals and Snacks, Offers and requests, Pennsylvania, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness

It's Important to Have Good Support at Home.

Female coworker, about keeping bananas alive longer: I have a banana hammock, too!

World Trade Center
Arkansas

Overheard by: CorporateDrone

Posted on February 25, 2011
Arkansas, Clothes, Coworkers, Meals and Snacks, Weirdness, Words

If Aesop Lived in New Jersey

Colleague: I just ate a pen cap thinking it was a tootsie roll. Always look before putting stuff in your mouth.

Plainsboro, New Jersey

Overheard by: oh dear

Posted on February 25, 2011
Accidents, Advice, Coworkers, General Idiocy, Meals and Snacks, New Jersey

Deciding to Kill Yourself Is Very Liberating, Ma'am

Middle-aged woman: Can I have extra sauerkraut with that? I love sauerkraut but never get it at home, even though I live in a neighborhood with lots of German food. It gives me gas.

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: formerteenhero

Posted on February 24, 2011
Customers, Feelings, Illinois, Meals and Snacks, Questions, Sensory Experiences

Which Explains Why I Choose to Work with a Bunch Of Dicks.

Host #1: Can I have a piece of your gum?
Host #2: Sure.
Host #1: Thanks. Why do you always chew gum?
Host #2: I know this sounds weird, but I always feel like I need to have something in my mouth.

Omaha, Nebraska

Overheard by: Speechless Server