Female employee #1: Where does it say in my job description that I'm the aquarium maintenance person, the chocolate jockey, the expert on suicide?
Female employee #2: Yeah, but you asked for that one!
Female employee #1: Which one? The chocolate jockey?
Female employee #2: Yeah.
Female employee #3: Yee-haw! I'm riding my chocolate pony!
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Executive officer: I need a teabag, a teabag…my kingdom for a teabag.
San Diego, California
Crazy lady: Help! My food has shit all over it! Help!
Young waitress: Wait, what?
Crazy lady: Don't “what” me.
Young waitress: No, really, what's wrong with it? Is it the wrong dish?
Crazy lady: You didn't tell me it had shit in it.
Young waitress: To what are you referring, precisely?
Crazy lady: The shit the shit the shit! (waves hands madly over dish, gesturing at her pasta, covered in a sauce)
Young waitress: Wait, do you mean the sauce?
Crazy lady: Don't “sauce” me!
Northville, Michigan
Ditzy secretary to ditzy friend: I just ate, so I have total lunch-brain right now.
Gastown
Vancouver
Canadia
President: Let me tell you what, this is about Hank. You know how when you have a bunch of buddies over to make clam chowder, but it never tastes as good as when you make it yourself? That's what I'm talking about Hank. You've got to have just one guy in control of the paprika.
Sonora Court
Sunnyvale, California
Male supervisor: So pretty much I think I'm not going to eat before I do it anymore.
Female supervisor: I agree, I never have sex after I eat: that's why if you take me out to dinner you can pretty much guarantee I won't put out! I mean, I might get a cramp.
Lakeport, California
Boss: This tastes like ass.
Worker: How do you know what ass tastes like?
Boss: Because I was drunk and missed.
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Work bee, complaining about wife's: So I said, “Babe, we live in this country for two reasons, breakfast food and good toilet paper.”
Colorado
Overheard by: shaine
Paralegal #1: The partner just asked me to run to Starbucks because our client wanted a cappuccino.
Paralegal #2: Oh my god…they seriously made you get it for them? I would have refused.
Paralegal #1: I didn't want to go but the way I figure it, my time is billed at $120 an hour. That cappuccino just cost the client $50.
46th & 6th
New York City, New York
Employee returning from Starbucks: Your whisper of cinnamon may have turned into a dull roar.
Boston, Massachusetts
