Male disability attorney, venting to paralegal: I just kept thinking. Seriously, how can you not get your paperwork done? You're disabled, what else do you have to do?
Twin Cities, Minnesota
Overheard by: Hillary E Us
Male disability attorney, venting to paralegal: I just kept thinking. Seriously, how can you not get your paperwork done? You're disabled, what else do you have to do?
Twin Cities, Minnesota
Overheard by: Hillary E Us
Old bald lawyer to younger lawyer: I'm waiting for John Smith*, this son of a bitch who…
Third lawyer, strolling up, extending hand: Hi! Pleased to meet you! I'm that son of a bitch!
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Big Larry
Elderly attorney on phone: I knew you were Armenian. Armenians always have sweet, kind, whispered, milky voices.
Newport Beach, California
Overheard by: Slaveia
New client: Excuse me, but I think there's been a mistake. I don't need to see an attorney. I thought I made an appointment to meet with a legal aide… A legal… You know… What are they called?
Legal assistant: No, ma'am. Everyone meets with the attorney. They are the only ones qualified to give legal advice. Otherwise it's considered practicing law without a license.
New client: But I don't need legal advice, I just need someone to tell me what the law says!
Country Club Road
Eugene, Oregon
Lawyer: It’s not exactly ethical but we have to get this thing out today.
Intern: That isn’t just unethical… Isn’t it illegal?
Lawyer: Only if you think contracts are binding.
Madison Avenue
New York City, New York
Lawyer with door wide open: No, man. No, it was just a booty call.
Near Dupont Circle
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Booty Call Receptionist
Client: She said she was looking for a pen.
Attorney: And the pen was under her desk?
Client: Yes, and she’s a pack rat, and everything in the world is under her desk…
Attorney: And she got stuck that way?
Client: Yes, and we had to call security so they could drag her out by her ankles…
Attorney: I hope that was a really nice pen.
Kern County Superior Court
Bakersfield, California
Overheard by: Frazzled lawyer
Lawyer #1: I had a bad dream last night. I woke my wife up at 4:30 to tell her I dreamt she was having sex with a gay man.
Lawyer #2: Oh, really?
Lawyer #1: Yeah, and it really upset me. And she laughed and said she knew why I had the dream. It was because of these women’s sex discussion groups she’s been going to lately. Then she says to me, ‘Well, what was I doing? Using the drumstick or what?’
Lawyer #2: What the hell? The drumstick? What was she talkin’ about?
Lawyer #1: I know — I didn’t get it either, so I asked her, ‘What are you talking about?’ and she said, ‘Well, how exactly was I having sex with a game hen?’
Lawyer #2: [Guffaws.]Lawyer #1, chuckling: Yeah… I guess she wasn’t fully awake when I told her.
560 Mission Street
San Francisco, California
Five-year-old boy, visiting dad’s law firm: I wish I could work here. One day, I’m gonna become a liar so I can work here.
Father: ‘Lawyer.’ It’s pronounced lawyer.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: amco
Company lawyer to copywriter: It may be wrong or stupid, but if so, we want to be consistently stupid.
Chatsworth, California
