Five-year-old girl, reading book about whales: Hey mom, does a baby whale really come out of a mama whale’s butt?
Mom: Hmmm…
Hygienist: Oh my god, did anyone else hear that?
Dentist Office
Augusta, Georgia
Archive for the ‘Kids’ Category
Why a Lot Of Fights Break Out in Heaven
Boy #1: Man, why’d you kill me?
Boy #2: No, I didn’t kill you, he killed you!
Public Library
Key West, Florida
Overheard by: Chey
All They’re Good for Is Committing Bank Robberies
Woman: Be still, we have to wait for our turn.
Kid: Why are we here?
Woman: We’re returning a package.
Kid: Why?
Woman: Because I don’t want it.
Kid: What’s in it?
Woman: I don’t know. I think it’s pantyhose.
Kid: You don’t want the pantyhose?
Woman: No, I don’t want the pantyhose.
Kid: Why?
Woman: Because pantyhose are evil.
Post office
Leander, Texas
Overheard by: Faedorah
I Got That Ages Ago
Mom: Oooh, guess what I got while I was in Atlanta yesterday?
Daughter, faking excitement: Herpes?!
Mom: No, I got– Wait, what?!
Mall
Georgia
Overheard by: P‑Nuckle
5PM That’s a Wrap
Employee: Hey! Doesn’t your ma get you anything from the Easter bunny?
Supervisor: It’s been years since I’ve gotten anything.
Employee’s boy: You live with your mom?
Supervisor: So what? So do you!
Employee’s boy: No, I don’t.
Supervisor: Huh?…Oh…Ah, shit.
6101 Wetzel Avenue
Fort Carson, Colorado
Whatever, Mister “I Believe in Santa”
Stylist: Do you like your haircut, buddy?
Little boy: [Silence.]Stylist: Do you know who would like your haircut? SpongeBob.
Little boy: … I’m not stupid.
Barbershop
Noblesville, Indiana
Suzy Goes Predator-Trolling to Amuse Herself
Eight-year-old girl running up to her mother in line: I’m 13, and you don’t know me!
JC Penney
Eugene, Oregon
Then We Empty the Can Into a Volcano
Son, pointing to a tip can: Mom, what’s that?
Mom: That’s where they put all the naughty kids that are bothering the parents.
Son: No they don’t!
Mom: It’s true, you can ask the lady.
Grocery bagger: Yup, your mom’s right.
Kailua, Hawaii
Overheard by: Worker #43
Now Make him Define Irony!
Brother: Is he dead?
Brother’s friend’s brother: I think he’s asleep.
Brother: Hey, you awake?
Brother’s friend’s brother: Hey! Say something.
Brother’s friend: Make me.
Mishawaka, Indiana
Overheard by:
And What about Graverobbers? Sometimes They’ll Kill You Just to Get Your Jewelry
Girl #1: It’s so scary hearing about people dying.
Girl #2: Yeah, totally… You can die from so many things. You can die from death, sickness…
Sydney, Australia
Overheard by: elle
