Coworker: Gather more than five people together in one place, and odds are that at least one will be a shit-munching little crap-weasel.
Ventura, California
Overheard by: Tom
Coworker: Gather more than five people together in one place, and odds are that at least one will be a shit-munching little crap-weasel.
Ventura, California
Overheard by: Tom
New worker: So about the health benefit… will my son gets it?
HR: Of course.
New worker: What about my ex-wife? Because for sure I don't want that fucker to get anything.
Menlo Park, California
Coworker to another, fresh out of reconstructive shoulder surgery: You can't even flip people off. There is nothing more pathetic than a man who cannot raise his middle finger.
Financial District
Manhattan, New York
Female bookseller: How long does it usually take to get your deposit back on an apartment?
Male bookseller: It could be two or three months, depending on how big of an asshole they want to be.
Female bookseller: Hm. (pause) Yeah, I prefer smaller assholes.
Bookstore
Des Moines, Iowa
Frustrated old man, walking away from service call button at Home Depot: Might as well hang an asshole up there and press that!
San Diego, California
Clerk lady #1: Oh, thank you for bringing that up, you reminded me I have to go get my license renewed on my way home today.
Clerk lady #2: You can't just mail it in?
Clerk lady #1: Well I have to actually go in because I have to take an eye test because it's been ten years.
Clerk lady #3: Oh…you sure it's not because you're over 50?
Clerk lady #1: Fuck you.
Yaphank, New York
Overheard by: Junior
Crotchety supervisor, holding up printed copy of e-mail: You two are computer nerds. What does this mean? (points at an emoticon)
Analyst #1: It's a smiley face.
Crotchety supervisor, turning the paper sideways: Oh, I see the colon is the eyes and…what the hell is wrong with you people? (crumples up e-mail and walks away)
Analyst #2: Have a nice day!
Oakland, New Jersey
Overheard by: >:(
PC coworker: John is nice, very talented and I think he has a lot to contribute to the project… Now he's been brought in.
Honest coworker: I think he's a shit-for-brains, knob jockey.
PC coworker: …yeah, me too.
Grenfell
Adelaide
Australia
Overheard by: PC to the end
Frustrated graphic designer: Goddamn Shirley Temple! What the hell?
Glendale, Wisconsin
Overheard by: here too early
Programmer: So I'm beginning to think that [client's name] is a huge fuckup.
Boss: Yeah, but he fucks up with style. He's the Buzz Lightyear of fuckups.
Mesa, Arizona
Overheard by: Chris Cardinal
