Lackey #1: My buddy tells me he exercises his cock in the shower by doing curls with a wet towel.
Lackey #2: That’s ridiculous. Everyone knows the best way to do that is by flexing your chode muscle all day long.
100 Wall Street
New York, New York
Lackey #1: My buddy tells me he exercises his cock in the shower by doing curls with a wet towel.
Lackey #2: That’s ridiculous. Everyone knows the best way to do that is by flexing your chode muscle all day long.
100 Wall Street
New York, New York
Assistant: I don’t know if you want to give him a call or not.
Boss #1: What happened?
Assistant: He mouthed off to a cop.
Boss #1: Sounds like Eric*.
Boss #2: Eric didn’t mouth off to a cop.
Boss #1: I thought he did.
Boss #2: No, he ran over a cop. There’s a big difference between running a cop over and mouthing off to one.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: can’t make it up
Office girl: My mom said she almost wrecked her car the other day because she was watching Elvis pick up trash on the side of the road. My mom said he was picking up trash in his jumpsuit, right there on the side of the road.
Office guy: Elvis was doing a little community service, was he?
Charlotte, North Carolina
Hobo: You can’t make me stay here! Fuck you! I’m leaving!
White nurse: Get out, then! Leave!
Hobo, to black nurse: How you doin’, chocolate thunder?
White nurse, laughing: That’s totally your porn name.
27th Street and 1st Avenue
New York, New York
Employee #1: It only stays smooth like a baby’s bottom for about 12 hours.
Employee #2: Maybe… And you’ve got to lube it up pretty good.
1200 Woodward Heights
Ferndale, Michigan
Boss: I took the hooker out.
3520 Lancaster Avenue
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Dtell
Voluptuous coworker to two male coworkers: … But this Air Force doctor took it and shoved it up there and, let me tell you, it was large.
Lunch room, Environmental company
Gainesville, Florida
Overheard by: Meg
Employee #1: He doesn’t do anything, but he makes great presentations.
Employee #2: He gives good slide?
Employee #1: Exactly.
600 Technology Park Drive
Billerica, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Jeff Dietz
Policewoman: Right. So then I had to search her, and I found a crack pipe shoved somewhere that a crack pipe should never be shoved. So I entered it in the log, and then I threw it into the garbage. Then she said, ‘No, you can’t throw it out. That’s my best one! I’ll never get another one like it!’
Mother: Oh my god, honey, how nasty! I don’t like you working in situations like this.
Policewoman: Well, but my point is this: of course she’ll get it back. Soon as I release her, she’ll just go digging in the trash and find it, and shove it right back where I found it.
Belmont Avenue and Sheridan Road
Chicago, Illinois
Coworker #1, distraught: I’m leaving now. I probably won’t be back till tomorrow.
Clueless manager: Okay, have fun! [Distraught coworker sobs and runs out.]Coworker #2: Um… You know she’s having her dog put to sleep, right?
111 Madisonville Street
Crofton, Kentucky
Overheard by: will1966
