Freshman #1: So I talked to my ex-girlfriend from high school this weekend. She’s totally changed and she’s dating this jerkish guy.
Freshman #2: Turkish, or jerk-ish?
Random chick turning around to join conversation: I hate Turkish people.
Freshman #1: Jerkish.
University of Texas
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: thinking she was armenian
Bank teller supervisor: She started working there when she was 18, and now she’s 46. Yeah, she’s been there 36 years.
1813 E 9th Street
Hopkinsville, Kentucky
Overheard by: will66
Coworker #1: So, Mr. Ericson* says he is going to send in pictures of his fence to show the problems he has with it.
Coworker #2: Yeah, well, I checked the email. He didn’t send us pictures of the fence.
Coworker #1: What did he send?
Coworker #2: Pictures of himself, half-naked.
Coworker #1: Well, I’m not fixing that.
Atlanta, Georgia
Coworker #1: So, your daughter’s learning to walk yet?
Coworker #2: Nah, not yet, but she can stand up, and she falls down the stairs real good.
Coworker #1: What?
Coworker #2: Yeah, she did that last night. Scared me real good.
Coworker #1: Eh, don’t worry. Once, I dropped mine from a good height. About three or four feet. I didn’t worry, ’cause she started laughing.
Department of Homeland Security
Washington, DC
Overheard by: scared of having children
Supervisor: She used to wear all sorts of things in her hair, and then one day she showed up with a condom, and we were like, ‘Honey, that’s not a scrunchie.’
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Coworker: Well, then we’ve got something to do next week. But we’re not going back to that place. It was nasty. My van smells like a hooker died in it.
111 Oak Street
Bonner Springs, Kansas
Account manager on phone: How can she be a virgin? She’s a doctor! Would you want your doctor to be a virgin? I think by law, you should have to have sex before you are able to practice medicine.
171 Nepean
Ottawa, Ontario
Overheard by: Smithout
Art director: I do it over the toilet bowl, and when I’m done, it looks like there’s a dead animal in there.
375 Hudson Street
New York, New York
Engineer: Where do I put this cooler?
Scientist #1: You know what that cooler is?
Engineer: Um, no.
Scientist #1: That’s my old date cooler.
Scientist #2: Huh?
Scientist #1: ‘Cause it’s tall enough for a bottle of wine.
Scientist #2: I had a cooler too, for organs.
Engineer: This one’s tall enough for a whole lung!
Highland Avenue
Cheshire, Connecticut
Girl #1: It’s like that kid that was kidnapped for all those years, and then they found him and he was back with his family… but then he died a few years later in a boatorcycle accident.
Girl #2: A boatorcycle accident?
Girl #1: I meant motorcycle.
Girl #2: Yeah, I was gonna say… if he was boatorcycling it would have been his own fault. I mean, he shouldn’t have been boatorcycling.
Girl #1: I know!
4310 Sherwoodtowne Boulevard
Mississauga, Ontario, Canada
