Employee #1: What are we collecting for?
Employee #2: Shelly* crashed her car and we are helping her out.
Employee #1: What? Has she never heard of insurance? Uh uh, I ain’t putting in!
1046 George Town
Grand Cayman
Overheard by: not throwing in either
Coworker: You can totally tell who’s in the next toilet cubicle by the sound of the shit when it hits the water.
Harbour Esplanade
Melbourne, Australia
Female employee #1: They’re interviewing that guy for the new position.
Female employee #2: No, they can’t. We need to hire another woman.
Female employee #1: No way. [whispering] Women are bitches.
1001 North 19th Street
Arlington, Virginia
Guy with food in elevator: There’s the freaking writing on the wall!
Girl with food: Yeah, I know! Putting it on broccoli? Cheese?! Pretty soon she’ll just be eating ketchup by itself!
1285 Avenue of the Americas
New York, New York
Coworker #1: Yeah, so this is what I wrote back to her. [Hands coworker #2 a piece of paper]
Coworker #2: That looks fine, and you made a good argument.
Coworker #1: Yeah, and I wasn’t mean.
Coworker #2: No, not at all.
Coworker #1: Though I did sign it “Stop being a fucking moron – Sarah*.”
Coworker #2: Good call.
3350 Riverwood Parkway
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: n-ro
Boss: Hello Shannon*, how are you today?
Secretary: Just fine.
Boss: You keepin’ outta trouble?
Secretary: Yes.
Boss: Oh… then you haven’t heard…?
Secretary: What?!
Boss: Nothin’! I’m just messin’ with ya!
1501 Woodfield Road
Schaumburg, Illinois
Overheard by: Pirate Wench
Attorney Jim*: So is this what the embarassed silence sounds like?
Attorney Keith*: Yes. I feel awful.
Attorney Lou*: I’d give Jim’s right nut to be asleep right now.
Keith: Totally. I don’t know what time you guys left, but I didn’t get home until 2.
Jim: I’m not sure what time we left either. But the tattoo parlor was closed. That I’m definite on.
Keith: Oh, that’s too bad. I wish the room would stop spinning.
Attorney Mark*: I feel amazing today. There is nothing like coming in completely hungover and talking to Natasha* about how retarded she is. Lou, I killed you in our drink contest. You had like five wines. You’re a lightweight.
Jim: Hey Mark, how’s that hickey on the side of you face, you homo?
717 Madison Place NW
Washington, DC
Employee: Do you have the budget?
Executive: Yeah, I just don’t know where Dingle Farts put it, you know, Marcus*.
Employee: You know you’re on speakerphone, right?
Pause
Employee and executive erupt in laughter.
Pause
Executive: He’s right there, isn’t he? He’s always right there, lurking…
6423 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Coworker: You really can’t blame her. It’s easy to get attached to a pen.
1924 Alcoa Highway
Knoxville, Tennessee
Executive #1: We will never promote her. She is fucked up. Did you see her at the company picnic with her son?
Executive #2: No. What happened?
Executive #1: She was breastfeeding him!
Executive #2: So what?
Executive #1: He’s like 5 years old!
Pause
Executive #2: When is the next picnic?
1 Becton Drive
Franklin Lakes, New Jersey
