Boss who looks like a leprechaun: Once, a few years ago when I got my hair cut I was stopped twice in a span of six months on the street by people telling me I looked just like Jean-Claude Van Damme.
Shocked employee: Really?
Boss: Well, that was before my face got fat… Never happened again, though.
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: WantsToChokeTheBoss
Security guard #1: … So then she got arrested again.
Security guard #2: Oh, what’s that now?
Security guard #1: Yeah, she got arrested for stealing chickens.
333 North Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Krazy Karl
Lawyer #1: Is ‘Rebel Yell’ on the CD? I sing that in the shower… And I find myself punching my fist up into the sky… in rebellion.
Lawyer #2: Wow.
Lawyer #1: My wife really enjoys it.
Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: AJF
Woman #1: Oh my god, I got so drunk last night that I ate a cigarette!
Woman #2: What? Did you throw up?
Woman #1: I tried to make myself. I got some of it out, but the filter is still in there. Do you think that’s bad?
Woman #2: I doubt it.
Woman #1: I have no freaking clue why I did it, I just decided to — it was so bizarre!
Woman #2: Oh, man…
1020 19th Street NW
Washington, DC
Freshman #1: So I talked to my ex-girlfriend from high school this weekend. She’s totally changed and she’s dating this jerkish guy.
Freshman #2: Turkish, or jerk-ish?
Random chick turning around to join conversation: I hate Turkish people.
Freshman #1: Jerkish.
University of Texas
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: thinking she was armenian
Bank teller supervisor: She started working there when she was 18, and now she’s 46. Yeah, she’s been there 36 years.
1813 E 9th Street
Hopkinsville, Kentucky
Overheard by: will66
Coworker #1: So, Mr. Ericson* says he is going to send in pictures of his fence to show the problems he has with it.
Coworker #2: Yeah, well, I checked the email. He didn’t send us pictures of the fence.
Coworker #1: What did he send?
Coworker #2: Pictures of himself, half-naked.
Coworker #1: Well, I’m not fixing that.
Atlanta, Georgia
Coworker #1: So, your daughter’s learning to walk yet?
Coworker #2: Nah, not yet, but she can stand up, and she falls down the stairs real good.
Coworker #1: What?
Coworker #2: Yeah, she did that last night. Scared me real good.
Coworker #1: Eh, don’t worry. Once, I dropped mine from a good height. About three or four feet. I didn’t worry, ’cause she started laughing.
Department of Homeland Security
Washington, DC
Overheard by: scared of having children
Supervisor: She used to wear all sorts of things in her hair, and then one day she showed up with a condom, and we were like, ‘Honey, that’s not a scrunchie.’
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Coworker: Well, then we’ve got something to do next week. But we’re not going back to that place. It was nasty. My van smells like a hooker died in it.
111 Oak Street
Bonner Springs, Kansas
