Coworker: Is that a copy of Ted Nugent’s new book?
Boss: It is. He and his wife wrote it. Grill It and Kill It.
Coworker: Is that him on the cover? With his wife?
Boss: Yeah. She’s hot, isn’t she?
Coworker: She really is. Way to go, Nuge.
Boss: He must have started seeing her when he was in Damn Yankees. What was their song?
Coworker: “Can you take me high enough…”
Boss: Yeah. Those really were the days.
249 West 17th Street
New York, NY
Overheard by: Will Leitch
Coworker: The last time I slept that well at my desk I was two months pregnant.
Durham, North Carolina
Overheard by: BWC
Peon: I can’t believe they’re having us do this even though we’re the low men on the scrotum pole!
Times Square
New York, New York
White coworker: Yo, last night was like a fuckin’ rap video! We had a limo and a bottle of fine-ass champagne! And then we went to the Hustler club! Oh, and I’m still wasted. When is the trial date for [technology company]?
153 Lexington Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: A. Goldstein
Office grunt: This water is so cold. It’s like liquid ice.
1401 Constitution Avenue NE
Washington, DC
Dev: Well, what you have to do is–
QA: Wait, wait. Can you start at the beginning?
Dev: A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…
QA: …
1600 Clarkson Road
Chesterfield, Missouri
Suit #1: Dude, you should have a sex room in your new place!
Suit #2: I do. It’s my bedroom.
Suit #1: No, I mean one room that is just wall-to-wall matresses and shit.
45 Wall Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Trey Givens
Guy with wallet-chain and flannel shirt: The only difference between me and Kurt Cobain is I don’t have a heroin addiction. Or a shotgun.
3rd floor, Accenture building
Austin, Texas
Boss: This is not an interactive meeting, so no feedback of any kind. Every customer who gives a commitment today will get a $350 Home Depot giftcard. This is only until the end of business today.
Loan Officer: But I got a customer commitment yesterday. Can I tell her that we will send her one?
Boss: Didn’t I just say that this meeting is not interactive? I won’t answer your stupid questions.
Loan Office: …So what’s the answer?
The boss storms out.
Loan Officer: I’ll just ask him later.
2700 Westchester Avenue
Purchase, New York
Office grunt: Well, you know what they say — when the lion king roars, the cows go running.
Garey Avenue
Pomona, California
