White coworker: Yo, last night was like a fuckin’ rap video! We had a limo and a bottle of fine-ass champagne! And then we went to the Hustler club! Oh, and I’m still wasted. When is the trial date for [technology company]?
153 Lexington Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: A. Goldstein
Office grunt: This water is so cold. It’s like liquid ice.
1401 Constitution Avenue NE
Washington, DC
Dev: Well, what you have to do is–
QA: Wait, wait. Can you start at the beginning?
Dev: A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…
QA: …
1600 Clarkson Road
Chesterfield, Missouri
Suit #1: Dude, you should have a sex room in your new place!
Suit #2: I do. It’s my bedroom.
Suit #1: No, I mean one room that is just wall-to-wall matresses and shit.
45 Wall Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Trey Givens
Guy with wallet-chain and flannel shirt: The only difference between me and Kurt Cobain is I don’t have a heroin addiction. Or a shotgun.
3rd floor, Accenture building
Austin, Texas
Boss: This is not an interactive meeting, so no feedback of any kind. Every customer who gives a commitment today will get a $350 Home Depot giftcard. This is only until the end of business today.
Loan Officer: But I got a customer commitment yesterday. Can I tell her that we will send her one?
Boss: Didn’t I just say that this meeting is not interactive? I won’t answer your stupid questions.
Loan Office: …So what’s the answer?
The boss storms out.
Loan Officer: I’ll just ask him later.
2700 Westchester Avenue
Purchase, New York
Office grunt: Well, you know what they say — when the lion king roars, the cows go running.
Garey Avenue
Pomona, California
Coworker #1: I paid $700 for it back in the mid-seventies.
Coworker #2: Wow…what was $700 worth back then?
Coworker #1: $700.
1932 Wynnton Road
Columbus, Georgia
Job interviewer: So, when exactly are you moving here?
Job interviewee: As soon as we find a place to live. We’re looking for an apartment or a condom.
602 West University Avenue
Urbana, Illinois
Employee #1: You don’t like Safari?
Employee #2: No, man, all those popups…
Employee #1: Popups are great. Firefox is douche.
42-22 22nd Street
Long Island City, New York
Overheard by: Aaron
