Dumb Employees

Coworker #1: Ha! They have phones with big numbers for people with fat fingers.
Coworker #2: Dont be mean — they’re probably for deaf people.

25 North Terrace
Adelaide
Australia

Overheard by: collins

Coworker #1: Weather said 50% chance of rain.
Coworker #2: Psh! Yeah, right!
Coworker #3: But…it did rain.
Coworker #2: Yeah, a little. Like maybe fifty raindrops, but sure as hell no fifty percent.

9482 Ajax Road
McGregor Range, New Mexico

It's a New Orleans Thing, Dear Reader

Operator setting up auto claim with customer on phone: Sir, I'm so sorry your car got stolen today. At least you babies and CDs are fine. I think you need to git you some whiskey to calm you down. Or just do what I do to calm myself down, cheer! “Who dat! Who dat! Who dat! Yayayayayaya! Who dat!”

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Overheard by: Wish I had my MP3 player today

Worker: Didn’t the doctor say that you have to lose weight because it was pressing down on your diaphragm and giving you breathing problems?
A/P drone: Men have diaphragms?

Century City, California

Overheard by: Squelch

Project manager: People think I’m a liberal because I’m always going down on George Bush.

Detroit, Michigan

Cafeteria lady: Man, I gotta teach that girl some phone etiquacy…she is so ghetto!

Atlanta, Georgia

Overheard by: excited to learn a new word

Office chick #1: I want a small desk lamp for ambient lighting. A candle would rock… but I know most companies frown upon flammable things.
Office chick #2: Well, we have a flammable toaster oven, so I don’t see how a small candle would be any different.

Cherry Hill, New Jersey

Female coworker: I hope he doesn’t mind that I wrote my report in eyeliner.

Boston, Massachusetts

These are all from the same coworker.

Overheard on phone: I am going to need you to help me because this is not information that is readily available in my…uh…brain.

In a meeting while it was snowing outside: This reminds me of growing up in New York…I mean…Vermont.

Another meeting: The last thing we want to do is provide an immediate response to an immediate question.

522 SW 5th
Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Breanna Freeman

Study abroad agent: We currently have 10 students in dozens of countries.

Colorado Springs, Colorado