Older receptionist: I can’t believe they’re making such a big fuss over Tom Brady’s baby. I mean, you know he’s going to be a great dad. He’ll pay for everything. That kid is going to be very well-endowed.
Secretary: Uh… Right…
200 Clarendon Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: secretariat
Co-worker #1: Oh my gosh! They didn’t give us a September 31 this year!
Co-worker #2: What?
Co-worker #1: I’m serious! Look! What is this? Some sort of reverse leap year thing?
Co-worker #2: Yes, that’s exactly what this is. A reverse leap year.
Co-worker #1: Oh that’s so sad, you know, for all the kids whose birthdays are on the 31st.
Co-worker #2: You’re fucking brilliant.
2900 31st Street
Santa Monica, California
Newly-hired girl: So, Harry*, sometimes I can see the outline of your penis in your pants when you walk by my desk.
7201 Metro Boulevard
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Interviewer: Are you comfortable with the salary for this position?
Interviewee: Well, not really, but since I don’t currently have a job, I guess it’ll have to be okay.
Salt Lake City, Utah
Employee on phone with child care center: Ummm, I don’t know… do you have trouble with children escaping?
Canberra, Australia
Overheard by: the entire, amused office
Asian coworker: What are you doing?
Caucasian coworker: Assembling the trade booth so we all know how to do it.
Asian coworker: Trade booth?
Caucasian coworker: For conventions, we set this up so people know who we are.
Asian coworker: What are you trading? Can I trade?
Caucasian coworker: Nevermind! Go back to your desk!
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Lackey: So that’s your wife, huh?
Suit: Yep.
Lackey: She’s a grade-school teacher?
Suit: Yes.
Lackey: She looks like that one that had sex with her thirteen-year-old student.
275 West Wisconsin Avenue
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Sales guy: You know how people talk about the world-wide web? The Internet? How would you spell that? W-E-B?
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Employee: I’ve been on e-mail since 5 AM, and all I see is incomptitude.
550 South Hope Street
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: hearing it in stereo
HR girl: Have you looked at that guy’s resume?
HR guy: Yeah, but I’m a little concerned about his spermatic work history.
HR girl: … Sporadic?
HR guy: Yeah. My bad.
Terrell, Texas
Overheard by: HR girl 2
