Guy: So it turned out my phone wasn’t broken. It was just nobody wanted to call me.
Filton Road
Bristol, England
Overheard by: Rich
Guy: So it turned out my phone wasn’t broken. It was just nobody wanted to call me.
Filton Road
Bristol, England
Overheard by: Rich
Worker #1: …True dat, dawg.
Worker #2: I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you are white.
1400 Walnut Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Employee: Hey, I have an open hour today. Is there anything you need?
Supervisor #1: Um, yeah. One of the ceiling tiles broke, and they don’t make that type anymore, and in order to get an estimate redoing all the ceiling tiles, I need you to go around and count them.
Supervisor #2: Yeah…but in the corners: you know how they aren’t full tiles? You need to measure them and figure out what percentage of a full tile it is. You know, so we can get an accurate assessment.
30 minutes go by.
Supervisor #1: Are you seriously counting all of those tiles?
Employee: Yeah, why? Oh, man. Fuck you guys.
11161 Mill Valley Road
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Bronxie
Data entry: It would suck to live in New Orleans, what with all the hurricanes that go there.
Boss: Where would you live?
Data entry: California for sure.
Boss: What about earthquakes?
777 3rd Avenue
New York, NY
Co-worker #1: Why are you sitting there starring at your monitor while the computer is off?
Co-worker #2: Because I recieved a server message stating that it was going to install something on my computer and that I should save everything before 15 minutes are up because the system will shut down.
Co-worker #1: Did you save everything?
Co-worker #2: Yes.
Co-worker #1: Did the computer shut down by itself?
Co-worker #2: Yes.
Co-worker #1: So, why are you sitting there starring at the monitor while the computer is off?
Co-worker #2: I’m waiting for the computer to start back up.
Co-worker #1: Have you pressed the power button?
Co-worker #2: No.
1000 Jerry St. Pe’ Highway
Pascagoula, Mississippi
Manager: Can you gather up the other guys? We have to move a bunch of stuff.
Employee: Fuck you.
Manager: What did you just say to me?
Employee: Fuck you, asshole.
Manager: Are you nuts?
Employee: Fuck you, bitch.
Manager: You’re fired. Get out of here.
Employee: I wasn’t clocked in. You can’t fire me.
Manager walks to computer, clocks him in, says, ‘You’re fired,’ and then clocks him out.
Employee: That’s so unfair.
Circle Centre Mall
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Teller: I haven’t decided yet if I’m going to see The Da Vinci Code. I want to see it, but if I do I’ll feel like I’m. . . supporting. You know?
Bank AVP: . . . Supporting?
Teller: The Devil!
Long pause
Bank AVP: Tom Hanks is the devil?
48 Clifty Kirkmansville Road
Clifty, Kentucky
Guy on phone waiting for other end to pick up: If I’m going to get caught embezzling, it’s not going to be at a nonprofit– [other end picks up] –Hi, Deborah*!
San Francisco, California
Shipping clerk: I have a package here for you.
Asian scientist: What is in the box?
Shipping clerk: I don’t know, but it’s probably cells, since it says ‘dry ice.’
Asian scientist: But what’s in the box?
Shipping clerk: Why don’t we take it to the lab and open the box?
Asian scientist: Okay, but what’s in the box?
American scientist: I think that’s the stuff you ordered.
Asian scientist: Oh, yes, okay. But what can possibly be in the box?
Columbus, Ohio
Redneck employee: So, what do you call a quesadilla?
Latina employee: Quesadilla.
Redneck employee: Really? Just ‘quesadilla’?
Latina employee: [Silence.]Redneck employee: How do you say ‘salt’?
Latina employee: [Walks away.]
1720 Indian Trail Lilburn Road
Norcross, Georgia
