… I Think

Customer: Hmmm… I want something in a waffle cone.
Salesgirl, holding cone: Okay. What would you like?
Customer: Can you do a chocolate dip with that cone?
Salesgirl: No, it’s not strong enough.
Customer: Oh. Well, can you put a small banana split in it?
Salesgirl: Uh, no.
Customer: What about a malt?
Salesgirl: No.
Customer: A milkshake?
Salesgirl: No.
Customer, irritated: Well, what can you do with it?
Salesgirl: I can put yogurt in it.

Frozen yogurt shop
Winston-Salem, North Carolina

Posted on March 18, 2008
Default, Dumb Customers, Employees, General Idiocy, Meals and Snacks, North Carolina, Offers and requests

No Dumber Than Casting Jamie Lee Curtis As a Young Mother

Customer #1: Do you have Freaky Friday?
Clerk: Yes, we have it on DVD and VHS for rental only.
Customer #1: Okay, I’ll take one to buy.
Clerk: We only have it to rent.
Customer #1: Where is the one for sale?
Clerk: We only have it to rent. There are none for sale for that title.
Customer #1: Well, you should have said something in the first place!
Customer #2: Wow… You are really that dumb, huh?

Video store
Massachusetts

Overheard by: Dudette

Posted on March 7, 2008
Arts, Customers, Default, Dumb Customers, Employees, General Idiocy, Massachusetts, Questions, Retail

Electricity Finally Makes It to Middle America

Customer: What are all of those light switches for?
Store clerk, without looking up: For turning things on and off.

Wichita, Kansas

Overheard by: Chandra

Posted on February 1, 2008
Comebacks, Dumb Customers, General Idiocy, Kansas, Questions, Receptionists, Technology

I’m Thinking That Will Taste More Like a Daiquiri

Ghetto customer: My daiquiri tastes like water.
Waiter: I’m sorry, sir. What may I bring you instead?
Ghetto customer: Water.

Dulaney Valley Road
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: shaking my head

Posted on January 25, 2008
Dumb Customers, General Idiocy, Maryland, Substance Use & Abuse

Could You at Least Connect Me to I.C. Weiner?

Call center agent: I’m sorry, but for international calls, you’ll have to contact your zero operator for information.
Customer: You can’t help me?
Call center agent: No, I only provide listings in North America.
Customer: What?
Call center agent: I am a 4-1-1 operator. You need the zero operator.
Customer: What’s the difference?
Call center agent, sighing: The zero operator can help you. I cannot.
Customer: So you’re useless?
Call center agent: In this case, I am completely useless to you, yes.
Customer, to friend in same room: Hahahaha! She admitted she was useless!
Call center agent: [Slooow exhale.]

Kitchener, Ontario
Canadia

Posted on December 4, 2007
Canadia, Dumb Customers, Insults

Did We Get Married and Nobody Told Me?

Customer: And I want Reese’s with that. Not a lot, but more than the normal amount, but not too much.
Ice cream artist: Okay…?

Ice cream place, Champlain Drive and Shepherd Avenue
Fresno, California

Overheard by: Just Another Ice Cream Maker

Posted on November 22, 2007
California, Dumb Customers, Meals and Snacks

After the Dessert, She Said, “Thank You, Sir, May I Have Another?”

Elegant old lady, as waiter comes around: … I could say the same thing about S&M, but no. There’s nothing wrong with S&M! [Waiter looks at her, aghast, and then starts laughing.] Oh… Um, I’ll have the hazelnut gelato.
Elegant old male companion: And don’t forget the whip!

Cafe Dante, MacDougal Street
New York, New York

Overheard by: Me