Customer: What are all of those light switches for?
Store clerk, without looking up: For turning things on and off.
Wichita, Kansas
Overheard by: Chandra
Customer: What are all of those light switches for?
Store clerk, without looking up: For turning things on and off.
Wichita, Kansas
Overheard by: Chandra
Ghetto customer: My daiquiri tastes like water.
Waiter: I’m sorry, sir. What may I bring you instead?
Ghetto customer: Water.
Dulaney Valley Road
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: shaking my head
Call center agent: I’m sorry, but for international calls, you’ll have to contact your zero operator for information.
Customer: You can’t help me?
Call center agent: No, I only provide listings in North America.
Customer: What?
Call center agent: I am a 4-1-1 operator. You need the zero operator.
Customer: What’s the difference?
Call center agent, sighing: The zero operator can help you. I cannot.
Customer: So you’re useless?
Call center agent: In this case, I am completely useless to you, yes.
Customer, to friend in same room: Hahahaha! She admitted she was useless!
Call center agent: [Slooow exhale.]
Kitchener, Ontario
Canadia
Customer: And I want Reese’s with that. Not a lot, but more than the normal amount, but not too much.
Ice cream artist: Okay…?
Ice cream place, Champlain Drive and Shepherd Avenue
Fresno, California
Overheard by: Just Another Ice Cream Maker
Elegant old lady, as waiter comes around: … I could say the same thing about S&M, but no. There’s nothing wrong with S&M! [Waiter looks at her, aghast, and then starts laughing.] Oh… Um, I’ll have the hazelnut gelato.
Elegant old male companion: And don’t forget the whip!
Cafe Dante, MacDougal Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Me
Large customer lady: I leave a big puddle… That’s how people know I’ve been here!
Melbourne
Australia
Lady customer: I need a phone that’ll work all year — all three hundred sixty-two days.
Electronics store
California
Overheard by: Stephen
Crazy woman at front desk: I will not be a slave to my teeth!
1685 Main Street
Santa Monica, California
Employee: Can I have your first and last name?
Customer: I don’t have one.
715 Jefferson Street
Wausau, Wisconsin
Client: Is it North or South of Route 24?
Manager: Well, that depends on where you’re coming from.
Client: Oh, really? How does that work?
Huntington, New York
