Co-worker: So I was at the deli, and I asked for a third of a pound of meat. I asked the lady twice. She then gave me 1.5 pounds of meat. I said, “Excuse me, this isn’t a third of a pound.” Then she said,
“Yes, it is.” Then I said, “No, it’s not.” So then she turns and asks her co-worker behind the deli counter how much a third of a pound is, and her co-worker replies, “Oh, a third of a pound is .75.”…This is why I hate the South.
115 Perimeter Center Place
Atlanta, Georgia
Overweight female employee: I can't have more than two cupcakes because I'm on a diet.
Marlborough, Massachusetts
Older woman: It isn’t good for your metabolism to eat too little.
Younger woman: Yeah, I remember when I was a kid and saw those starving African kids on TV. I said, “They aren’t fat, look at their bellies!” That’s what happens when you don’t eat enough, you get bloated.
1500 University Drive
Billings, Montana
Co-worker #1: Do you want to go to lunch?
Co-worker #2: I’m on a diet.
Co-worker #1: But we’re going to get ice cream afterward.
800 E. 96th Street
Indianapolis, Indiana
Yard worker: I raked the yard yesterday and I figured I’d be sore but I’m not.
400 lb. woman: I would be. You’re in better shape than I am.
Co-worker: Who isn’t?
246 Scoville Hill Road
Harwinton, Connecticut
Co-worker: Would you like a donut?
Enormous woman: No, thank you.
Co-worker: Why not? Are you on a diet or something?
Enormous woman: Actually, yes, I am on a diet. I am going on vacation to Hawaii at the end of the month and I have only six more pounds to lose until I reach my goal! I want to take a helicopter ride over Kilauea, but the helicopter company charges $100 more if you weigh more than 200 pounds. Hope they don’t weigh me on the spot since I am not sure I will be less than 200 pounds unless it’s in the morning, after I’ve had a pee, and I’m nude…Does anyone have any topics they’d like to add to the agenda for today?
Manager: Um…yeah, I do, but give me a minute.
560 McCarthy Boulevard
Milpitas, California
Overheard by: CW Slave
Openly gay reception guy to IT girl: Have you lost weight?
IT girl: Hahahaha, no, but I will totally have your babies now that you've said that.
Lincoln, Nebraska
Overheard by: Not that easy
Cheese-smelling proletariat: I have a big appetite for a little person. I mean, I can put it away! I am a small person, though I don't look too small lately.
State Agency
Austin, Texas
Assistant: I need to lose ten pounds.
Employee: Do you exercise?
Assistant: I'll do anything to lose weight, except exercise and diet.
Santa Monica, California
Older male worker: I ate a live scallop once. Kinda weird, the way it pulsed in my mouth.
Young female worker: Oh my god! I could never put anything that throbbed in my mouth!
Older male worker: This conversation is over.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: TechWritingGuy
40-something coworker: I have a headache. I need a meat sandwich.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Maybe you should post on Craigslist
