If You Have Further Inquiries, Kindly Direct Them to That Brick Wall

Repair man: Hey, do you know anything about the broken ice machine on the 4th floor?
Doorman: Yeah, it needs to get fixed.

53rd & 7th
New York City, New York

Overheard by: fix the ice

Posted on July 27, 2015
Coworkers, Default, Dumb Employees, General Idiocy, New York, Questions

Plus It's More Likely to Get Me Elected to Office

Cubicle #1: Oh, Jesus!
Cubicle #2: Why are you saying “Oh, Jesus”? I thought you were a Baha'i?.
Cubicle #1: Because it's easier than saying “Oh Bahá'u'lláh.”

Irving, Texas

Posted on July 27, 2015
Compare and contrast, Cubicles, Default, Questions, Religion, Texas, Words

Um, Babies Are Supposed to Be Bald, Ma'am.

School director: What's going on?! Everyone has cancer! I don't like it.

Daycare
Las Vegas, Nevada

Posted on July 27, 2015
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Why Mute Interns Are in Such High Demand

Senior: Isn’t “Butternut Bread” a brand? I know there is Mrs Baird’s, Iron Kids… Sunbeam…
Intern: Oh, there’s a strip club around here with a one-armed stripper named Sunbeam… But we call her “Nub”.
Senior: [Silence.]

Houston, Texas

Posted on July 25, 2015
Body Parts, Coworkers, Default, Employees, Interns & Temps, Names, Sexuality, Texas, Weirdness, Words

You're Not Making Me Want to Help, Doreen

Female HR, struggling to pick up carton of printer paper: Can you help me with this?
Male HR: This would be a good time to use the new hand cart.
Female HR: Okay, yes, but I can't even get it up off the floor.
Male HR: So, you can't get it up, huh?
Female HR: No, that's you.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Posted on July 25, 2015
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Last One There's a Fishy Egg!

Useless Research Manager: And that is why something must be fishy in Denmark.
Colleague: Rotten.
Useless Research Manager: Yeah, isn't it?

Chicago, Illinois

Posted on July 25, 2015
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Not to Mention All Those Dicks… What?

Coworker #1: So I read a study the other day that said performin' fellatio can cause oral cancer.
Supervisor: No, that's not right. Where'd you read that?
Coworker #1: On Facebook!
(lively discussion ensues)
Coworker #1: Oh! I guess I was thinking of HPV, not cancer.
Supervisor: Well, duh, you puttin' something dirty in yo mouth, of course you gonna get sick. You gonna put that penny in your mouth?
Coworker #1: No! That's gross!
Supervisor: Or that plastic there?
Coworker #1: No! I get it! I forgot it was getting HPV from a dude, not cancer!
(pause)
Coworker #2, chewing on a pen: Does this mean I'm gonna get cancer?
(entire office stares at her)
Coworker #2: From the pen!

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Malikat

Posted on July 25, 2015
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These Are a Few Of My Least-Favorite Things

Angry old woman: I despise Christmas sweaters. And wreaths on cars. And bells. I'm not even a fan of Christmas cookies. The Grinch ain't got shit on me, son.

Point Comfort, Texas

Overheard by: Max the Dog