Cashier: And may I have your phone number, please?
Lady: What the hell for? You gonna call me up when you’re havin’ a sale?
Older lady: Hush, Lavinia. This here place is always on sale.
Lady: My point exactly.
Paramus, New Jersey
Cashier: And may I have your phone number, please?
Lady: What the hell for? You gonna call me up when you’re havin’ a sale?
Older lady: Hush, Lavinia. This here place is always on sale.
Lady: My point exactly.
Paramus, New Jersey
Client: I never smoked a cigarette a day in my life!
Assistant: Well, you’re just a regular choirboy!
Client: Smoked a kilo of dope — didn’t see a need for cigarettes!
Real estate office
Texas
Front desk: XYZ Inn*, Avery* speaking. How may I help you?
Caller: Is this the Holiday Inn?
Front desk: No, it’s the XYZ Inn.
Caller: So you’re not the Holiday Inn anymore?
Front desk: No!
Caller: Okay.
611 Ocean Street
Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Crystal
Caller: I need to know about courses on Saturday.
Bored operator: Which center would you like to go through to?
Caller: Yes, uh, Saturday courses. Nine o’clock ’til five o’clock.
Bored operator: Okay, which department?
Caller: Saturday — S-A-T–
Bored operator: —Which center? Clapham, Vauxhall, Brixton?
Caller: Uh, no, I want to know about Saturday courses. Saturday courses!
Bored operator: Do you have a contact name? … I’ll just put you through to someone, then. Bye!
College
London
England
Customer #1: Do you have Freaky Friday?
Clerk: Yes, we have it on DVD and VHS for rental only.
Customer #1: Okay, I’ll take one to buy.
Clerk: We only have it to rent.
Customer #1: Where is the one for sale?
Clerk: We only have it to rent. There are none for sale for that title.
Customer #1: Well, you should have said something in the first place!
Customer #2: Wow… You are really that dumb, huh?
Video store
Massachusetts
Overheard by: Dudette
Homeboy customer: Yo, gots any mothafuckin’ shelves?
Employee: Did he just say what I thought he said? [Coworker nods.]Homeboy customer: Yo, man! I said, I need some mothafuckin’ shelves fo’ my mothafuckin’ clothes!
Employee, pointing: Yeah, right down that mothafuckin’ aisle.
Home repair store
Whitehall, Pennsylvania
Client: She said she was looking for a pen.
Attorney: And the pen was under her desk?
Client: Yes, and she’s a pack rat, and everything in the world is under her desk…
Attorney: And she got stuck that way?
Client: Yes, and we had to call security so they could drag her out by her ankles…
Attorney: I hope that was a really nice pen.
Kern County Superior Court
Bakersfield, California
Overheard by: Frazzled lawyer
Customer #1: So, is Gary* out yet?
Customer #2: Oh, no — his sentencing isn’t until Tuesday.
Customer #1: Oh, okay. How’s Colleen* handling it?
Customer #2: Well, they are going to get married before then, so I guess great.
Ketchikan, Alaska
Office guy spatting while office girl: You slap like my mom.
Office girl: [Laughs.]Client on speakerphone with office supervisor who’s frantically hushing employees: I think the guy in the background just said he slept with his mom.
Ringwood, New Jersey
Overheard by: cps
Customer: Can you tell me if the installer is running on time today?
CSR: I have no way of knowing that, sir. Your appointment is scheduled between twelve and four today. If the installer is not there by four, then you can call back and we can tell you that he is running late.
Enfield, Connecticut
