CSR: Hello Mrs. Batman? This is Robin calling from your hearing aid company about your recent hearing aid purchase. (pause) No, I'm not kidding. My name really is Robin and I'm calling about your hearing aid.
DeKalb, Illinois
Overheard by: Rich
CSR: Hello Mrs. Batman? This is Robin calling from your hearing aid company about your recent hearing aid purchase. (pause) No, I'm not kidding. My name really is Robin and I'm calling about your hearing aid.
DeKalb, Illinois
Overheard by: Rich
Male CSR #1: I just keep thinking about his soft lips. His big soft lips.
Female CSR & male CSR #2: (blank look)
Male CSR #1: Did he…I knew he was a complicated little man.
Portland, Oregon
Customer: Here’s my order number.
CSR: Yes, how can I help you?
Customer: What can you tell me about my order?
CSR: Um. What would you like to know?
Customer: You tell me. What does your computer tell you?
CSR: It tells me lots of things. What you ordered, when you ordered it. How can I help you?
Customer: Tell me everything your screen tells you about my order.
CSR: What would you like to know?
Customer: No, I want to know what you know about my order.
CSR: Well, I can tell you when it shipped, when it was delivered. Would those help?
Customer: No. What else?
CSR: Well, it would take me a really long time to read you everything I have here.
Customer: Oh. Well, let me explain. [Gives explanation]CSR: I see. So you just want UPS to pick up this order?
Customer: Are you an idiot? That’s what I’ve been saying the whole time!
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon can’t wait for the weekend
Customer: I have a question about something that's not pictured on your website. Can you describe it?
Coworker: (stares at her blankly)
Portland, Oregon
Customer service rep: Weren't you PMSing last week?
Coworker: Apparently, I was just being a bitch.
Tulsa, Oklahoma
CSR on quality control recording of recent call: Hello, this is Brian*, how can I help you?
Caller: Kathy.
CSR: Sorry, what?
Caller: I want Kathy. Now.
CSR: Okay. Well, she's probably not available right now. Can I help you?
Caller: Fuck you. I don't want to talk to you. I only want to talk to Kathy. You talk like an asshole.
CSR: Sir, assholes talk like this: “tttthhhhhhbbbbbttttttttttt”. I've done no such thing. I'll have to ask you to call back when you're feeling more appropriate.
Quality control monitor: Good. Next call.
Financial District
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: Alan
CSR: I just got a call from a guy that was looking for a customer service number for the phone company but he didn’t want an automated number, so I told him that most customer service numbers are automated. He told me, “I am a therapist; I know how the phone system works.”
6010 Exchange Parkway
San Antonio, Texas
Man: I’d like to change the name on the account. She’s been dead for a while now.
CSR: For how long?
170 Utopia Road
Manchester, Connecticut
Overheard by: Mellen
Customer service girl: We're going to send you a new bush.
San Diego, California
CSR: Yes, ma'm, that cellphone plan has unlimited minutes.
Customer: And how many minutes is that exactly?
Oklahoma
Overheard by: couldn't make this up
