Peon #1: Did they steam clean our chairs this weekend like they were supposed to?
Peon #2: Doesn't smell like it.
Richmond, Virginia
Peon #1: Did they steam clean our chairs this weekend like they were supposed to?
Peon #2: Doesn't smell like it.
Richmond, Virginia
Boss: Natasha*, is there something wrong?
Natasha: My friend just texted me saying that she’s sitting next to Orlando Bloom.
Boss: Tell him he’s fired if he doesn’t get here in five minutes.
Employee #2: Boss, he’s an actor.
Boss: I don’t give a rat’s ass what he aspires to be. I emailed everyone yesterday saying that this meeting was very important.
Natasha: Mr. Jones*, he’s a Hollywood actor. He doesn’t work—
Boss, very angry: —I see. That’s what he says, huh? He’s fired then!
Employee #2: Seriously, Boss, he doesn’t work here. He is just an actor who happened to sit next to Natasha’s friend.
Boss: So how the fuck do you dare to interrupt my meeting with some bullshit talk on a psycho employee who thinks he’s in Hollywood?!
270 Park Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: working for an oblivious boss
Co-worker #1: What’s the matter?
Co-worker #2: I’m cold.
Co-worker #1: How can you be cold? It’s Friday.
Co-worker #2: …What?
1944 East Sky Harbor Circle
Phoenix, Arizona
Guy behind counter on cell: So I’ll be there soon….What’s that sound?….Oh, yeah! I thought I heard a tornado in the background!
Hall’s Archery Range
Manchester, England
Coworker, having lunch: Is it bad of me to think of a group of strong guys getting together and jumping Spencer Pratt? I ask because the thought of it really brings a smile to my face.
Melville, New York
Sales guy #1: You know, this hand sanitizer stuff. Can you like.. wash with it?
Uncertain silence.
Sales guy #1: Like, wash your whole body?
Sales guy #2: Well, you’re going to need a bigger bottle.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Confused coworker on phone: My day? I just found out that the lead singer of Rush isn't a girl.
Portland, Oregon
Woman: See [Jane]. See [Jane] spaz. Spaz, [Jane], spaz.
640 Opperman Drive
Eagan, Minnesota
Overheard by: Cubicle Sam
Coworker #1 to coworker #2, wearing a cast: What did you do to your hand?
Coworker #2: I broke my thumb.
Coworker #1: You need your thumb. That's what makes you not a monkey!
Titusville, Florida
Overheard by: Hoss
Worker #1: Every time I kiss her, she tries to stick her tongue in my mouth.
Worker #2: What’s wrong with that?
Worker #1: I just don’t think it’s appropriate. She is married, after all.
Seattle, Washington
