Cube dweller #1: Man, my daughter got the worst ear infection last night and wouldn't stop screaming.
Cube dweller #2: Wow, that's horrible, what did you do?
Cube dweller #1: My wife wanted me to take her to the emergency room but I said, “are you crazy? I just smoked three bowls and am buzzing hard!”
Cube dweller #3: Someone please make him stop.
West Palm Beach, Florida
Coworker #1: Hey, listen to this: “2.3 million Americans are currently incarcerated.” That's about 1% of the population!
Coworker #2: What's that mean?
Coworker #1: In prison.
Coworker #1: Oh, I was thinking castrated…and I thought they only did that to animals.
Muscatine, Iowa
Coworker #1: We had our monthly departmental breakfast this morning, and Lauren* just wouldn't stop going on about how she never eats sausage. But she sure looks like she eats a lot of sausage.
Coworker #2: Come on, man–we all know that Lauren has never even seen a sausage in her life!
Bellevue, Washington
Co-worker #1: I’m just not sure that the average person will be interested.
Co-worker #2: Hey, I’m interested, and I think I’m pretty average.
Co-worker #1: Yes, I’d have to agree with that.
264 Main Street
Wintersville, Ohio
20-something office girl: Remember, that e-mail said that you're supposed to swab your nose or use a neti pot, and gargle with salt water or Listerine to prevent the swine flu.
30-something office dude: Is that what you do?
20-something office girl: I swab my nose and flush my nostrils, and I swish Listerine. But I don't gargle.
30-something office dude: Why not?
20-something office girl: I can't do it. I've never been able to. I just don't know how to gargle, and believe me, I've tried it. As soon as something hits the back of my throat, my instinct is to swallow.
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Coworker #1: Say, does anyone know where Santa Clarita is?
Coworker #2: Umm, I'm not sure actually. I'm not really good at geology.
Los Angeles, California
Employee #1: If you want to send me your resume, I’ll see if they’re looking to hire designers. I think they are.
Employee #2: Does the place resemble Hell?
Employee #1: You mean like here?
Employee #2: Yeah. Like, if it’s a few shades lighter red, and about half the amount of writhing souls, I’d be interested.
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: cube prisoner
Male desk jockey to female desk jockey: Wow! Nice throw, Sally! That was great!
Female desk jockey: (silent stare)
Male desk jockey to other coworkers: Did you guys see that? Sally just got her shot in the bin from four desks away!
Other coworkers: (silent stares)
Female desk jockey, shouting: My name is Claire, you asshole! I've been sitting next to you for six months and you still don't know my name! I hate this fucking place so much!
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: crr
Worker bee to another: … So she said it was fine that she’s smoking a pack a day while she’s pregnant. She doesn’t mind if the baby comes out a little small.
Another worker, from across the room: I’ve been smoking since I was 16, and my baby still isn’t born!
Chesterfield, Missouri
Overheard by: my mom smoked with me too…
Employee: I didn’t ask to be employee of the month — the mantle was thrust upon me!
Housewares store
New York, New York
Overheard by: Tigertail
