Close. So Close.

Boss: I need two Excedrin and a Pepsi, stat!
Coworker, trying to be helpful: How about some cheese and nerds?

Minneapolis, Minnesota

Posted on November 3, 2018
Bosses, Coworkers, Health & Hygiene, Meals and Snacks, Minnesota, Offers and requests

If I Don’t Give You the Visual, You’ll Never Learn

Cube guy #1: Wow, that girl with Tina* is hot. Who is she?
Cube guy #2: That’s her daughter.
Cube guy #1: Damn, man! Why isn’t she my daughter?
Cube guy #2: What does that mean?
Cube guy #1: I dunno. I meant–
Cube guy #2: –Dude, that means you’d have to sleep with–
Cube guy #1: –I know, I know, I’m sorry! Messed up… You didn’t have to give me the visual.

Scottsdale, Arizona

Overheard by: Cube Guru

Posted on November 2, 2018
Arizona, Coworkers, General Idiocy

…And We Know Times Are Tight…

Coworker on phone: Well, we do have backdoor service, but it's more expensive than our other services.

West Rutland, Vermont

Posted on October 31, 2018
Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Money, On the phone, Sexuality, Vermont

I Was TRYING to Look at Kiddie Porn

Engineer, to the HR director: Just in case you get a phone call about it later, I wasn’t trying to look at gay porn on my computer.

Farmers Branch, Texas

Posted on October 28, 2018
Coworkers, Engineers, Internet, Lies, Places, Sexuality, Texas

…By Show Of Hands

Coworker #1, about potato chips: I enjoy regular Lays.
Coworker #2: Who doesn't?

Scarborough
Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Cnote

Posted on October 26, 2018
Canadia, Coworkers, Meals and Snacks, Sexuality, Words

Do Your Part to Prevent the Spread of Management

Administrator #1: A-chooo.
Administrator #2: A-chooo.
Administrator #3: A-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Administrator #4: Ah, the sounds of summer.

Falcon Way
Welwyn Garden City, UK

Posted on October 23, 2018
Admins, Comebacks, Coworkers, England, Health & Hygiene

10AM Update Insurance Data

Co-worker on phone: I just called to see if you were still pregnant.

30 South 17th Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Posted on October 22, 2018
Coworkers, Health & Hygiene, Pennsylvania, Questions

Some Employees Embrace Their Work More Than Others

Stressed office worker, picking up phone: Thank you for helping, may I hold you?

Greensboro, North Carolina

Posted on October 22, 2018
Coworkers, North Carolina, Offers and requests, On the phone, Sexuality

I Did Watch Every Season Of Veronica's Closet, If That's What You Mean

Straight cube-dweller, about hole punch: Well, it shouldn't go there. It should be out in the open on the desk where I can see it.
Gay cube-dweller: What, you couldn't see it sitting there?
Straight cube-dweller: Well, it lives on my desk, not in the closet.
Gay cube-dweller: It's a shelf above your desk, not a closet.
Straight cube-dweller: Well, you would know more about closets than shelves, wouldn't you?

West Lafayette, Indiana

Posted on October 17, 2018
Comebacks, Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Gays and lesbians, General Idiocy, Indiana, Questions, Sexuality

He’s Been Cultivating That Line Since the First Time He Saw Ethan Hawke

Old coworker: What the hell is that on your chin?
Hipster coworker: I’m growing out my goatee.
Old coworker: Why the fuck would you do that?
Hipster coworker: A girl last night at the bar told me it looks sexy.
Old coworker: It looks like a buffer pad for a high speed cocksucker.

43 West 42nd Street
New York, New York

Overheard by: You’ll Get Crumbs In It

Posted on October 16, 2018
Coworkers, Insults, New York

Coworkers