Old drone #1: In my father's day all the men used to get in a circle and measure each other.
Old drone #2: Well, women do that stuff all the time.
Young drone: What?
Old drone #2: Yeah, don't you be askin' your girlfriends if somethin makes your boobs or butt look big?
Young drone: Yeah, but we don't sit there and see who has the biggest vagina. Gross!
Old drone #2: Yeah, well, you wouldn't want to win that contest.
Delran, New Jersey
Overheard by: Bruce Banner
Employee to another: Oh, now I remember: I bought my first bong and my first Chinese throwing star at that same place.
Point Comfort, Texas
Overheard by: (Not As) White Trash
Cashier, answering phone: Hello, Baker’s Square. [Pause.]Cashier, incredulous: Do we sell pies? [Pause.]Cashier, boastful: We were voted best pies in the world, we entered a contest and won. [Pause.]Cashier, sober: Yes, we sell pies. [Pause.]Cashier, indignant: A barbecue pie? I never heard of such a thing in my entire life. [Pause.]Cashier, impatient: Ma’am, did you have a specific question? I’m pretty busy. [Pause.]Cashier, puzzled: [Hangs up.]
Silicon Valley, California
Overheard by: My Good Ear
Cashier #1: Tony was in here buying cigarettes, too.
Cashier #2: Oh, really? Tony smokes?
Cashier #3: Yeah… like a fish!
Westport Plaza Creve
Couer, Missouri
Sales guy: You know how those lesbian Jews can be! The only thing worse than a lesbian Jew is a lesbian Jew attorney! And I know that, so I can say it.
Glenlake Parkway
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: almost offended… almost
Office peon #1: Last night I had a dream about being attacked by a donkey.
Office peon #2: Oh, I know what your mean: zebras are my Freddy Krueger.
Office peon #1: I know, right? Because they don't even sound like regular fucking horses.
Office peon #2: And they're camouflaged like lightning!
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Best Nature Documentary EVER!
Intern #1: Sorry, I can't go out tonight. I have to get a tattoo.
Intern #2: Oh, what are you getting?
Intern #1: This proverb: “time wasted can never be reclaimed.”
Intern #2: That's deep.
Intern #1: Yeah, it was between that and a lollipop on my hand. But I did a Twitter poll and they voted on the proverb.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Hanly
Account manager: That's like the pot calling the kettle black. Wait a minute… Is that racist?
Assistant: Wanna know what is racist? Cotton picking!
Winnipeg
Manitoba
Canadia
Overheard by: Chelsea
Male employee: I don't like doing it, but I like having it done to me.
Richmond, Virginia
Office man: Watermelon seeds look like ticks.
Office lady: No, they don't.
Office man: Yes they do!
Office lady: They don't have legs!
Plainsboro, New Jersey
