Manager: So, is your girlfriend taking you out for your birthday?
Accountant: No, I’m going out with my friends.
Manager: If I were your girlfriend, I wouldn’t put up with that shit.
Accountant: Well, you’re not, and you don’t have to.
Manager: …It’s not like you’re allowed to marry your friends and have kids someday…
Accountant: Well, in some places you can.
Manager: That’s it, you’re fired!
6801 Brecksville Road
Independence, Ohio
Boss to group: I want to congratulate our rhythm and robustness!
Group:(looking around confused)
St Paul, Minnesota
Overheard by: Not Congratulated
IT manager: What is the plan for the internal server deployment?
IT drone: We are going to the client on Monday to stand up the server.
IT manager: You promised me a plan by 5/1. Where is it?
IT drone: The plan is that we will go to the client on Monday and do the work.
IT manager: You understand, I need a plan. When can you get it to me?
Washington, DC
Coworker: Actually, there are some plants that are flame retardant.
Manager: Ha! You said ‘retard.’
1212 South Rangeline Road
Indiana
Overheard by: Just Listening
Annoying female worker: I feel so left out… Can I just move my desk next to yours?
Manager: Absolutely not.
Howard Street
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Drone
Assistant: Sir?
Boss: Don’t talk to me. It’s Game Seven.
11150 Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Lindroid
IT guy: Hey, Kelly* just showed me her slingbox.
Boss: Reeeally?
It guy: Yeah. It works fine and everything, but I wouldn’t pay for it.
Boss: If you get her drunk she’ll give it to you for free!
It guy: Ohhh… I think we’re talking about different things…
Boss: Reeeally?
Bay Area, California
Overheard by: Would get sick of it anyway…
Supervisor: We have a call-out
Boss: Why’s he calling out?
Supervisor: Says his house caught fire.
Boss: Bullshit! Tell him we want a pic of him fighting the fucking fire! Then we’ll authorize the call-out!
731 Lexington Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: RedManInc
Boss: Why didn’t you have a cover letter on the copy to the client?
New employee: I didn’t know I was supposed to have one. I didn’t think to ask if I needed it.
Boss: From now on, if you don’t know the question, you should ask it.
1700 66th Street
St. Petersburg, Florida
Supervisor: Did you answer my phone while I was gone?
Worker bee: It didn’t ring.
Supervisor: Well, did John call for me?
Worker bee: He didn’t call. Your phone didn’t ring.
Supervisor: But did you answer a call from John?
Worker bee: No, when your phone didn’t ring, I didn’t answer it, and when I didn’t answer it, John wasn’t the one that didn’t call.
75 Washington Avenue
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: brian brinegar
