Manager: Here's the office supply cabinet. Do you need anything?
First-day-on-the-job peon: Oh yeah! A pad of paper. I like to take dubious notes.
Cleveland, Ohio
Manager: Here's the office supply cabinet. Do you need anything?
First-day-on-the-job peon: Oh yeah! A pad of paper. I like to take dubious notes.
Cleveland, Ohio
Boss: Have you seen Tina today?
Loudmouth: Yeah, at 1 am, passed out in the shrubbery!
DeKalb, Illinois
Overheard by: also hungover
Boss, setting down ancient computing equipment: I don’t know what’s going to happen when I turn this on. Hopefully it won’t catch on fire…
Minion: Then why is it on my desk?
Tyco Road
Vienna, Virginia
Overheard by: Hiding behind the bookshelves
Boss: Spring is in the air. I’ll be outside for the next 15 minutes reviewing this paper. If any urgent crisis happens, don’t tell me.
308 West Freemason Street
Norfolk, Virginia
President of the board: Okay, what else do we have to go over? Are we finished here?
Boss: Yes, I think we’ve shot our wad.
Washington, DC
Manager: Are you doing okay? I’ve noticed you’ve seemed overwhelmed lately.
Smacking noises and paper shuffling
Assistant: Hmm? Oh, I’m okay. I just can’t find my purple posties.
Manager: Well, i just don’t want you to get frustrated and quit. We value you.
More smacking and agitated paper shuffling.
Assisant: Well, if i wasn’t busy, you wouldn’t need me. Where are those purple posties?
Manager: Don’t worry about the purple post-its right now. I’m asking how you are doing.
Lots of shuffling noises and frantic paper shuffling.
Assistant: I’m fine!
Manager: Are you sure, you really seem stressed.
Still shuffling
Assistant: I’d be doing a lot better if i could find my damn purple posties!
Manager: I’ll come back
Minutes later after lots of loud thuds and much desk smacking and paper shuffling. . .
Assistant: Heey! Here they are! Okay, I’m good now!
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Boss: So, I can’t take more than one piece of hand luggage on board?
Coworker: That’s right.
Boss: And this is all because of 7-11?
Coworker: Ummm, do you mean 9-11?
Kent
England
Employee #1: What are you doing? Catching up on your celebrity gossip?
Employee #2: Scientology today, actually.
Employee #1: I’ll join if you join!
Employee #3: Already a member.
Middle Manager: All of you shut up. Trying to have a silent birth over here.
3810 Wabash Drive
Mira Loma, California
Overheard by: Office Derelict
Recent business school grad: You know, working for this company is not for the weak of heart. There is not a lot of recognition handed out to people.
Senior executive: Recognition? You want recognition? You are a dumbass. How’s that?
Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario
Canadia
Engineer #1: You don't want me designing that machine. Not even if I was the last man on earth.
Project manager: If you were the last man on earth, who would there be to ask you to design it?
Engineer #2: The last woman on earth?
Engineer #1: I definitely wouldn't do it then. No matter what I did, she would make me wrong. Fuck that!
Paterson, New Jersey
