Advice

12PM Follow Up with National (?)

Employee #1: I’ve talked to National and one group says we should be doing this procedure but another group doesn’t want us to do this procedure.
Employee #2: Hmm. You should follow up with National, then.
Employee #3: That’s what [Employee #1] has been talking about, her follow-up with National.
Employee #2: Oh. When was the last time you talked to them?
Employee #1: About two or three weeks ago.
Employee #2: Yeah, that’s too soon.

10 Almaden Boulevard
San Jose, California

Overheard by: Stealth Nerf

1PM Go Out to Lunch

Co-worker: Avoid the bathroom in about an hour, you-know-who just sat down to eat some pea soup.

1 International Plaza
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: courtesy flush

That’s Why You Keep Forgetting Those Reports

Boss: Make sure you tickle your calendar to remind you to do the reports.
Co-worker: Tickle?
Boss: Use the tickler system; you do know what a tickler is, don’t you?
Co-worker: Yes, but…you don’t use the one I know at work.

810 Highway 6 South
Houston, Texas

Good Luck Filling That Void

Male co-worker: You might want to take a few lessons on domestication…Life is unfair, and you’re still a woman.

1999 Avenue of the Stars
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: oink

I Suppose It Comes with the Position

Conference call guru: There are a few master brands out there to look to.
Co-worker #1: I’d love to be a masterbrander.
Co-worker #2: Then we could say, “Hey, what’s she doing behind the desk?”
Co-worker #3: “Looks like she’s masterbranding.”

2010 Warsaw Road
Roswell, Georgia

Overheard on the Radio

The creators of this site were just on The Brian Lehrer Show (listen here).

As the producer explained to the host who we were and what we’re about, she handed him some printouts of site quotes and ended with: …and don’t say fucktard, obviously.

1 Centre Street
New York, NY

Customer Specify Outcomes; We Choose Methods

Creative director: You just have to e-mail him and say, “if you want this to work, you have to let us do it, you fucking idiot!” But don't say “idiot.” Just say “fucking… moron.” Yeah.

Ontario
Canadia

Why Would a Dog-Grooming Machine Have a Purée Cycle, Though

Engineer coworker on phone: I've got this article. You should read it. It's a patent. We could do this!

Wisconsin

Life: Encapsulated.

Marketing guy to PR girl: You'd better go home and eat your asparagus and get some sleep, because we have to be up at the crack of shitty dawn tomorrow.

Ontario
Canadia

…Oh My God, Use Your Hand!

Boss to secretary: Can I feel your mouse pad? (does it, then to whole office) Oh, you guys need to feel her mouse pad!

Virginia Beach, Virginia

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