Suit: It's got a dead animal on the top, just the way I like it.
L'Enfant Plaza
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Guess he's not a vegan
Suit: It's got a dead animal on the top, just the way I like it.
L'Enfant Plaza
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Guess he's not a vegan
Director, about IT guy coming to work on her computer: Okay, I'm just going to clear off my desk in case he decides to do me.
Boston, Massachusetts
Supervisor: The problem is that we have some faculty who just will not leave. There's a guy who hasn't been paid since 1991 that still comes in every day.
Worcester, Massachusetts
Office manager to room full of new hires: I like to reach out and touch everyone. We have lots of different ways to do that.
L'Enfant Plaza
Washington, DC
Coworker: Gather more than five people together in one place, and odds are that at least one will be a shit-munching little crap-weasel.
Ventura, California
Overheard by: Tom
Short coworker: Man, I would give anything to be taller.
Tall coworker: I'd totally slip you a couple inches if I could.
(awkward silence)
Laramie, Wyoming
Overheard by: sarah
Hostess: How about a bumblebee?
Server: He was asking about kinds of birds, not bugs.
Hostess: Same difference.
Server: Lots of things fly that aren't birds, like bats.
Hostess: Bats are birds.
Server: Bats are mammals!
Hostess: Birds are mammals.
Server, apoplectic: Birds are birds!
Restaurant
Charleston, South Carolina
Boss: I'm jealous, I wish I had a colon infection.
Falls Church, Virginia
Female: Dude, did I tell you what happened the last time we ate here together?
Male little person: No, what?
Female: Sheila* saw us and said to me “Dude, I totally saw you eating lunch with a midget. What's up with that?”
Male little person: Ummmm, okay.
Female: But I said “Oh, I know I was totally with a midget, but he has the hugest cock ever. I've totally seen it.”
Male little person: Ummmm, okay. Thanks for the recommendation, I guess?
Female: She said she's going to call you.
Sacramento, California
Cubicle dweller: If they can clone my dog, they can clone me a liver on the side.
Seattle, Washington
